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Would you want to read this story by reading this paragraph only?

“Im sorry” she cried, lying half-conscious in the cold, sterile hospital bed. Tony, placed his hand on her face “It’s ok. Its ok” his soothing voice was failing to calm her. Ali’s face was blotchy and red. embarrassed she had been caught. devistated at her condition. he placed his hand on her thumping belly and tried to smile. “He’s still mine… isnt he?” she cried harder. “I could never do that to you” suddenly, her breathing slowed, and her head tipped to the side. “Ali?” he called. no response.”ALI?!” silence “Somebody help!!” he cried out, echoing in the understaffed halls. Finally docters and nurses rushed and pulled the curtain around her and pulled Tony out of the room “NO! ALI! PLEASE WAKE UP!” he pleaded and cried, being pulled out and away. feeling alone and desserted, he thinks back to himselfabout what he could have done to avoid all this.

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Answer #1

Catches and holds your attention - you want more…

Answer #2

Reading this paragraph alone, yes, of course you’d want to read more. It leaves so many questions unanswered. As far as it goes, are you trying to make it into a short story, a novel, what? It definitely needs work as far as punctuation goes, and the all caps is rather dreary, but otherwise. Yes.

Answer #3

You need serious spelling and punctuation fixes, as for the content, it isnt bad..

Answer #4

Was she pregnant?

O,o

Answer #5

wow. who cares about the speling and punctuation! I would sooo read that! if you want to write stories you can go to this website called www.quizilla.com it really good. but that was really good I would read it.

Answer #6

PLEAASSSEE POST MORE IT was GREAT :D

Answer #7

yes.. tell me more! (lol, but it was good.)

Answer #8

I plan to write more tomorrow

I just wanted to see if anyone was interested

ill post more tomorrow

Answer #9

I know it needs work bad

but everything I write comes frommy immagination first.

then I change names, and just write it then when its all done I have othe people go over it and revise it

and if you cant tell, when I hit keys, my keyboard likes to mess it up. I type fast and dont go over it

im glad it catchs attention… but I dont know how this got posted under health

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