Women Only Who Have Kids

I have a question for women who have kids already I have a one year old son and when I had him I did not feel that conection right away I just and still to this day I dont feel it I think how my life was before the baby and I was just wondering dose this make me a bad mother

Answer #1

What do you mean by saying you have kids “already”? Also, are you married?

Answer #2

OK, I’m going to take a stab at answering this, but bear with me, I’m going to make a lot of assumptions that may be wrong.

If you regret becoming a mother because it’s ruined your fun, that’s bad, because it means you’re selfish. I’m guessing you’re unmarried, which makes things more difficult. Having a whole family can be extremely pleasant and rewarding. Being a loner is never fun.

If you’re unmarried, I’m going to assume you were a fun-loving party-girl before you had your baby. If that’s true, then baby or not, you wourd have ended up lonely eventually anyway since you probably didn’t have much in the way of deep, forever-kinds of relationships.

Your new baby IS a deep, forever-kind of relationship, and it will replace much of the less valuable stuff you had before. If you had a husband, you would also have him and his family to help take care of you and your baby, so there would still be time for fun occasionally.

You’re worried you’re a bad mother. Honestly, I’m not sure if that’s true or not. Not being happy doesn’t automatically mean you’re a bad mother. If your baby loves you (and I’m SURE of that), and you give your life and soul for the happiness of your child, then you are a good mother, no matter what else happens. The fact that you’re woried about it leads me to believe that you care, and you want to be a good mother.

It’s really up to you. Only you can decide how well you are going to take care of your family. I guessing you’re doing OK as a new mother. New mothers have a lot to learn about being a mother, so I hope your mother and your boyfriend or husband’s mother is there to help you. Also remember that children can be very tough and resilient. You don’t have to be perfect, just think of your child first, and yourself second, and everything will hopefully turn out OK.

Answer #3

Having children can sure change somebodies life and sometimes new mothers have difficulties adjusting to their new reality. The fact that you are worried about being a bad mother seems to proove the contrary since you desire to be a good one and have come here to ask if what you are feeling is normal and how to make a better connection with your boy. I suggest that you try to understand where these feelings are stemming from and work at it from the root of the problem. Are you feeling overwhelmed by your new motherhood routine? Can you ask someone for help in taking care of the baby? Or are you not spending enough time with him and need to do some fun activities together like going for walks, meeting other parents, taking a bath? One thing is for sure, he loves you to bits and needs you to love him back. Taking the time to grieve your life before the baby while discovering the beautiful new things you can learn from him should help balance it all out. The first years can be tough because babies need their mothers so much but before long he’ll be off to daycare and school and you will most probably miss the day to day contact you have with him now. Also just because you are a mother now doesn’t mean you can’t continue doing activities you once enjoyed like going out to the movies with friends. It just means your life is a bit different now because there’s a little guy who is dying to see you and ready to welcome you with a smile everytime he sees you. Try getting help if you are overwhlemed by talking to friends and family or try doing something fun with him that doesn’t include just changing diapers!

Answer #4

My son is now 14 months and here I was thinking I was all alone When what I needed all along was right in front of me. My mom now helps me out and I doing better me and my baby finally connected they way I should have months ago.

Answer #5

Spend time with your son doing activities that really connect with him and engage him. As you watch him learn and grow perhaps your connection to him will grow stronger.

Answer #6

I am not married and I stay at home 24/7 and take care of my ba baby there is no one else my mom dont have nothing to do with me the father is ????

Answer #7

My son is almost a year old also I was also a party girl before him. But he made me realize that I (my fiance) brought him into this world he had no choice, so deserves to be loved the way he loves me back. I love him with all my heart and of course I miss the old days but it’s not the old days anymore I have someone else to think about besides myself so I put all my energy love and care into him. Your not a bad mother for feeling that way but he does need you, it’s not his fault for you not feeling a connection, there is a connection you carried him for 9 months he’s a part of you and always will be. Just the thought of me not being there for my son makes me sad, your son needs you.

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