What if my partner thinks they make enough effort but dont?

Hi people. Basicly my girlfriend feels that she makes effort for me, but I dont feel she does. I no people should not compare, but when I compare what I do for her in comparison for what she does for me, its 95% effort from me. I dont mind making more effort, but where my problem is, is that she makes hardly any at all. We have been together 4 months coming up 5 (I no its not long) but we like each other a lot and she claims to love me as I do her (love has no time limit) but to my “opinion” if you love someone you want to make them happy and do stuff for them? So far she has bought me some aftershave for christmas, and made me a christmas card. (she is always there for me, since I suffer depression but to be honest I would expect anyone who cared a bit a bout me to do that.) but I buy her flowers, make up, I listen to her and ask her to tell me things that bother her, I tell her I care an love her regular (as she does me), I try to think of new things to do together like, going bowling or to a restaurant an il pay for it all. But on the flipside what I get from her is “the fact im with you should be enough”? Now I no if some instances thats true but when she says that my reply is always “yer…but surly if you love someone you would want to make an effort for them, I feel more like a friend sometimes rather then her lover and I hate it. An example of what I mean is: the other week (at college) we was meant to meet up in the 15 minute break (thats what we had arranged). She was 10 minutes late and still nowhere to be seen so I text her asking where she was. She replied “im outside law talking to lisa on the phone”, I then went to law saw her and had a small go at her because she couldnt answer why it was so hard just to let me no? Or come meet me while on the phone to her? Or just text me saying what was happening instead of just standing me up? her reply then was “well im not going to leave lisa on her own crying am I”. I said “well I didnt no she was upset did I? But thats no excuse just to stand your boyfriend or anyone up, there are other alternatives” (the I told her the 3 questions above which I just mentioned) and she couldnt understand why I was pised of?

Answer #1

I know what you mean, I get my boyfriend things ALL the time & he only got me a cheap crappy necklace (that I love) LOL (BTW the love has no time limit is cute, you made me smile) but I’ve bought him 60$ hats, all kinds of stuff and I feel like im wasting my time.. and I think your doing great, but she isnt understanding your emotions about you doing more for her, I have the same depression prob as you and my boy helps me threw it a lot, but mabey you should have a talk with her face to face and let her know how you really feel about it

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