Why does some men give you everything, loyalty, expense gifts, grea

I was in a relationship for some years. We live together for close to three years. He is middle age. I am a pretty, educated middle-aged Black woman, with two grown children. Who has been married and has abandonment issues.

It seemed has if everyone loves him, because he help the world. He does everything for everybody both at work and at social events. He never got married, never had children. He lifted up my self-esteem (and several other past relationships) when I had no job and couldn’t keep up with my rent. He made me his Queen. We went everywhere together. I never cheated on him, cooked great meals, washed and iron his clothes, and rubbed his back. He sang love songs to me. He paid all the bills and would not allow me to clean (I would do it anyway.) and took my teenage child and me on expensive trips. I thought we were heading down the road of matrimony. Until I noticed he did not want to be touched in public and started isolating me emotionally (no sex). He became sarcastic and no matter what I did for him to make the relationship closer he refuse to work along with me. I was an emotional wreck, couldn’t think or focus on anything. I started losing my long hair. I changed my world for him and defended him from my own mother and children. He still pushed me away, nothing was enough for him, there were rules, and I had to constantly read his mind. There were so many rules. He did not believe in unconditional love, which meant he did not believe in Jesus. He believes in perfection. He said I had to earn living in his home. I felt weak with no backbone. In order to survive my living abuse I had to remember people who survive keep control of who they are in spite of their circumstances.

He stopped buying me gifts and showed me no attention around people. He would barely talk. When he finally talked he would talk down to me around younger women. This was a spiritual warfare. Finally he gave me eight months to leave. I still went back to see him over the weekends but slowly that died out. He finally ended the relationship. He said “It not you its me. It is nothing you did.” I replied and started loving myself. I think about him every day and every night. When a person abandons another person for no good reason they are selfishness and a coward. I decided not to be a victim anymore. It seems like I always had to have a man. My decision was to be alone. I bought a small place in another state, cut my hair, started doing heavy exercise and enrolled in a volunteer domestic violence program. It was a gift for me to leave this man. It has been months. I keep thinking I did something wrong. I am working on forgiveness. Help me to forgive myself.