why do I have persercutory thoughts about myself that wont go away?

Uhm no, it’s not the devil tricking you, it’s your own thoughts bringing you down. We call it self talk. A lot of people do this to themselves. If you have a school counselor you might want to talk to them about this. If you really want to do this yourself here’s how it works. Dr Paulson has summarized it better than I could, so here goes…

It’s a matter of ABC: When we encounter A-ADVERSITY, we react by thinking about it. Our thoughts rapidly congeal into B-BELIEFS. These beliefs may become so habitual we don’t even realize we have them unless we stop to focus on them. And they don’t just sit there idly; they have C-CONSEQUENCES. The beliefs are the direct causes of what we feel and what we do next. They can spell the difference between dejection and giving up, on the one hand, and well-being and constructive action on the other. The first step is to see the connection between adversity, belief, and consequence. The second step is to see how the ABCs operate every day in your own life.”

An adversity can be almost anything—a flat tire, a frown from a boss, an unexpected large bill, a layoff. Your beliefs are how you interpret the adversity. Be sure to separate thoughts from feelings. “I just blew my career” and “I feel like an impostor” are beliefs. Their accuracy can be evaluated. Consequences are your feelings and actions that follow. You might feel depressed, anxious, angry, or frustrated. Often you will feel more than one thing. You also act. You may withdraw from others, send out resumes, seek revenge, or even cry. In order to avoid the non-productive feelings and counter-productive actions, optimists learn to actively dispute their pessimistic beliefs.

Seligman suggests four ways to make your self arguments convincing: Evidence, Alternatives, Implications, and Usefulness. The most convincing way is to use available evidence that your negative beliefs are factually incorrect. Secondly, most events have many causes. Pessimists have a way of latching onto the worst possible cause—the most permanent, pervasive, and personal ones. Optimists ask, “Is there any less destructive alternative way to look at this or explain it?” They focus on what causes are changeable (“I didn’t spend enough time studying!”); on specific causes (“This project was uncharacteristically harder than anyone could have expected!”); and explore non-personal causes (“That customer has a history of expressing unrealistic expectations to negotiate lower rates!”). Third, what are the implications from the likely consequences? Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life and death are big stuff. Everything else is small stuff. Finally explore whether worrying and ruminating over this will be useful in producing any long-term value? Focus on the things that will help you get where you want to go,

http://terrypaulson.typepad.com/motivationline/2009/01/optimists-dispute-negative-thoughts.html

I cant answer why but, I can tell you what might help you. Just continue to tell yourself that you are a good person, doing a good deed everyday should help (not monumental, but small, kind things that will make someone appreciate you) just know that even if you dont get a thank you, your actions are always important. Stick with that and im pretty sure it will help, and if it gets more serious, try to be nice to everyone around you and just be an all around good person. Thats all I can really tell you. And that I don’t believe anybody is a truely bad person, but experiences may influence them to do bad things. Just let that soak in, and you should feel better. And no im not a psychiatrist.

These three answers are all good. Notice what they have in common, because it’s the most important thing about all of lthem: However you prefer to do it (whatever way works best for you), make sure that you start to develop a different inner voice, one that contradicts the self-berating. Exercise that new inner voice as often and as skillfully as you can, so it grows stronger. Some people find that challenging the “inner critic” directly works well (“No I am not a bad person; stop lying to me!”). For me personally, soothing that inner voice with love and compassion works best (“I know you’re feeling scared or hurt, but everything will be ok because I’m going to take good care of both of us”). These are both just examples, of course.