Why do I feel like I'm not in love anymore?

It’s been ten months and three days now. I’ve been with this guy for even longer than that. The whole time we were in love and happy and everything was perfect. Then I started feeling a drift. He started to change without warning. Then he promised he would change back for me. And it hasn’t happened yet, for four months I’ve been waiting for some change. It’s only been getting worse and worse and I keep crying because I’m trying so hard to let him know what’s wrong and he listens but does nothing about it.

I don’t want to fall out of love with him. All the things we did together… I just can’t. Please, someone help me. It’s going out of control and I can’t break up with him. There has to be something else I can do.

But every day I’m always considering breaking up. I would feel so empty without him, broken heart and everything. I’d planned on spending the rest of forever with him. Now I can’t picture my life without him.

Answer #1

You feel like you are not in love anymore because your affections are not being returned in a reciprical manner. You have not changed much during your relationship, but he has. You have become emotionally dependent upon this person and he is feeling smothered and wants out of the relationship but does not know how to do that without hurting your feelings. Most often he would feel smothered because he has not found himself yet in life, and so he cannot share with you what he, himself, does not have yet. You increase in attention to him because you fear you will loose him is only causing a situation wherein he has nothing to give back to you along those lines because he does not have it to give yet. In other words, he simply is not stable in life enough to offer a serious love to you in return. There is nothing he can do about that at this point in time. It all takes time. I could possibly hand you a lot of old sayings such as “If you love him, then let him go. If he comes back to you then he is yours for life, and if he does not come back…then you never had him in the first place”….. but, bottom line, what you are experiencing happens to many, many, many people every single day and almost in everyone’s life at one time or another. It is not just isolated to just the two of you. It seriously is a common factor of life. A sad one, but very much quite common. Your best course of action is to simply back off and let him have a little room in his life so that he can find himself without emotional pressure bearing down on him. If he really cares about you too, then as he finds himself he will also find his own way back to you. On the other side of the coin, don’t beat yourself up if he doesn’t come back. Yes, you are emotionally bonded to him from your relationship… but, it always takes two, not just one. Have a strong sense of self worth, and self pride to know that a loss here was definitely not your doing, but one that you may have to learn from and move on from eventually. Build yourself some emotional supports ahead of time in case he moves on for good. You are strong and you will weather the situation either way. Things in life happen for a reason. There is a greater power in life than ourselves that may have bigger and better plans for you. We really don’t know, but if so, I’m sure it will be totally amazing.

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