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Why am I so mean to my mom?

I am 18 and ever since I was 15 I have never had a good relationship with my mom. She is bipolar and she tried to hide it but it was like I was the only kid she took it out on (I have a little sister and an older one) my little sister got away with murder and my mom worshiped the older one. She used to insult me in my face push me around and keep me from having anything resembeling a social life. I cut myself and she called the cops on me. I couldnt talk to her it was impossible to get two words out before she would scream in my face. It was very hard for me until I finally gathered the courage to confron her. Things got a little better as I got older and I began to appreciate the good she did for me and forgive her but things always go back to being the same. I dont understand it. She annoys me everytime she talks. Yes she can be pretty hateful but even when she isnt I cant stand being around her. I usually give her an attitude if she talks to me and I avoid her. Why do I do this? How do I stop?

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Answer #1

We tend to get back into old patterns. After all, you’re talking about the person who has been with you your entire life. And you feel as if she has treated you badly. Why would you want to try to talk to her if she might be hateful towards you. So you’re protecting yourself. It’s going to take time and patience to work around it. There’s going to be an automatic overwhelming of emotion every time she says something hurtful. Instead of reacting (and I know how difficult this is going to be), you just have to explain that you felt hurt by her comment. And then be more proactive and do some stuff with her. It’s not going to be easy, and there are going to be times where you end up fighting or saying things to each other. But you’ll see that you can tolerate your mother’s opinions and words (she’s just a person after all, just because she says something does not make her right), and you’ll learn how to build up a relationship with her.

Answer #2

Im like that too, but my mom isnt bipolar, so its probably not as bad.

When she seems happy go up to her and ask her to talk. sit with her and tell her you want to have a good realationship with her and you dont want to be mean to her and you dont want her to be so mean to you. telll her how much it hurts you that always get picked on. let her know that its importatnt to have a good mother daughter realationship in the end of it all, because when special things happen (like weddings, baby, baby shower/christning, etc..)that if you arent close then it wont be fun and enjoyable.

Answer #3

okay. I completely understand about the whole bipolar thing. my friends mom is like that 2. and you never know how she is gonna act from 1 second 2 the next. but if you want to have a good relationship with her even when she is getting on your nerves just get her to leave you alone 4 a while and think about what your gonna say because sometimes you might just have 2 walk on eggshells but itll be worth it. hope this helped. :D

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