Who is wrong or right?

This is really long but please do understand the situation im in, I really need help and I dont know whats going through my mind because of it. Thanks

Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago, I kept asking him back after I broke up with him because we kept arguing and I had enough of him blaming everything on me and making excuses so I felt like I had no choice but break it up. We’ve been together for a year and 9 months and I loved him with all my heart. He broke up twice with me before and I broke up with him for the last time. When I kept asking him back and we both made our minds up to be not together, we left things uncleared. We didnt like each other because we both said things we didnt meant to say but hurted each other with it.

Anyway a month after our break up, I was actually fine with my life and my ex found out I was talking to this guy and we had another arguement, he was telling me that his nothing to me now because Im talking to this other guy when he kept his feelings for me and all I do is try and get rid of him. But he told me after we broke up that everything we had meant nothing to him, and that we cant have the dreams we always wanted and I still wanted them but he didnt. So we had another arguement, as I was telling him that his the one who left things like that and his having a go at me for trying to move on. The at the end of our arguement I just asked for the truth, and he ended up telling me how much he loves me, cant stop thinking about me, misses me and how much he wants to be with me but cant.

After a few days we met up and we ended up kissing each other and all my feelings went straight back. We couldnt be together because of everyone disapproving with us being together so I told him, we’ll see in 2 years time if we still both have feelings for each other, the we’ll see what happens then. We kissed and he kept telling me how much he wants to be with me then, and how much he never ever gonna forget me. We were fine, everything seems to be going ok, Friday he spent his time with me and my friends and we ended up kissing each other and he went on saying how much he loves me and if he ends up being in a relationship or not he’ll still be there for me; for a cuddle, someone to talk to, anything, he’ll still be there for me no matter what. I told him the same things. I told him if he does get into a relationship ill be there for him no matter what. Ill support him, I wouldnt get upset if he does get a girlfriend and all that. I gave him my word, and I pinky promised it.

Since then, I never talked to him on msn. He never went on anymore, I figured he blocked me. All my feelings for him went coming back to me. I loved him all over again. Then Sunday night, my friend called me and asked if I was ok. I was so confused, then I found out from a social site that hes in a relationship. My heart dropped. He never planned on telling me. Not even a single word about her, he kept kissing me, telling me he loves me and then he gets into a relationship, doing things with her all along behind all that. And I got no message from him or a call or a text. But instead he blocked me on msn, not even a word to me through there.

I got upset and cried… all my dreams, hopes went crashing down infront of me, all over again. I hated myself, hated love itself. I refused to talk to him, because for once my bestfriend was actually willing to support me instead of telling me off for being with him continously. But I just broke into pieces and not a single word from him to find out if I was ok or to tell me about hi new girlfriend . A few days after, I messaged him and asked for the promise ring back that I gave him a year ago. It took him 2 weeks after to actually give it to me, he was stubborn towards me, kept giving me evil looks, and kept storming off everytime we happen to talk. Ofcourse I ignored him gave him the cold shoulders. How can I be friends with someone who I gave my words to, willing to be there for him if he ever does get into a relationship and have nothing from him, not even a hint. He knew me better than anyone and he knew I’d love to hear things like this from him instead of finding out online. But no, nothing.

We kept being cold towards each other until a few days ago. I actually said Hi to him for once.. nicely. And he had the guts to tell me off, for being how I am, for not talking to him and for giving him the cold shoulder. I told him exactly why. But he still had the guts to tell me how to act towards me so I shouted at him, we argued. We kept arguing, and he still wanted me to talk to him like how I used, like the “girlfriend” he once knew.

I wished him happy birthday a day after, for this saturday and he still had the guts to show that my attitude upsets him, being stubborn as always and cold. I told him that he didnt even say sorry or appreciated that I wished him happy birthday and that how can I be there for someone and be friends with them, who cant even tell me the truth no matter how much it hurts. He started swearing at me because I told him I dont care anymore and all that.

So what should I do? Was I wrong for being mad at him? I really dont want us fighting, especially that we arent together anymore.

Answer #1

I also agree with the woman above. Try to calmly sit down and say I want you to please let me talk and get this off my chest. If he wont or lets you, then goes off, then do what I said.

Answer #2

Well I think what is going on is that you are trying to be nice to him and he just lashes back on how you acted before and then in turn you try to explain yourself and it all ends up being this big arguement and you two leave pissed.

You are in the right because you are saying some closure of happiness and accpetance. He does not want closure because he does not want the relationship to completely end and maybe watch you move on to another person.

What you need to do is keep doing what your doing because your in the mindset he wishes he could be in, because right now he’s just as confused, but doesnt want to be nice.

You are in the wrong when you argued back with him and started something up, but he is wrong for not accepting your happiness and wishes for him. He thinks that if you were with someone else, he wouldnt be nice to you so in turn you shouldnt be nice to him, but you are …so he feels like whats going on she really wants me to be happy.

I mean I know it’s tough for both of you to go up to eachother say your happy with eachothers decision and you understand what needs to be done, and have a friendly conversation but maybe leaving feel sad and left. But it’s also a sign of respect for him. Which you do.

The next time you talk to him, if you do…I honestly am going to say this: it will work but be strong.

Don’t argue back with or try to explain yourself you already did that, and he will only argue more. Instead here is what you say: “I really hope everything goes well with you, and I’m alright with your decisions and I just wish you the best. I’m sorry for my outbursts before, and I want us to stop looking in the past and look towards the future and begin. If you want to call me or I’ll cal you sometime to say hi or catch up, That’s fine.”

He can’t be mad at you when you 1. apologize and just say “your right, I’m wrong” and then 2. you give him your best wishes and say your alright with whats happening. 3. Lets still be friends but lets look past all that behind us.

He doesnt want that, he wont know what to say, but I’m telling you DO NOT start trying to explain yourself because you have already done that and it’s just going to be a cycle. Plus, Afterwards he’s going to think about what he just did and what he’s been doing and think damn…He needs to be in that mindset because he has made a decison to leave and be with someone new. ANd I bet he knows he isnt as happy with her then he ever was with you on your good days.

He lashing out on you for doing this and that and cold shoulders and all that because bringing up the problems of the relationship or the break up means you guys have a better time not forgeting about it and thats what he wants is for you not to forget…

You need to do this for yourself because I KNOW all I want out of a break up is closure and peace. Now if he isn’t going to do it, then you need to, and one day he will either make a big change and work hard to be with you, or he will accept the fact that you guys are done, and if its right it’ll come back.

If it does come back at least you know that the last time you guys talked you left ok and gave eachother respect and there should be no reason to argue about the past anymore. That there could be a chance for a fresh start…if that happened in the future.

Just stand your ground and let his thrashing and argueing just bounce off of you because you are the bigger person, and you are giving him respect and wishing only the best. You are right and he’s just not ready for it to end, but tries to end it with you being sad.

Dont be sad give yourself closure with him, understand where his heads at, and go on knowing that he made his decision and you are letting it happen. He doesnt want to accept his own fate he decided to take. Its pride.

Your right, dont argue though even though you feel like you need to stand up for yourself, don’t. You are doing that when you say I understand Im sorry lets be friends. Thats the best thing and keep doing it…be positive dont let any negativity come from your mouth or anything that could set him offf and then in turn you. Just let his words bounce off you for real

good luck hun

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