Who can I turn to?

I’m 19…I know I’m semi grown and can do things on my own, but I feel I have no one to turn to (except my sister, but she thinks I go crazy half the time lol) about my issues. Right now, I’m having issues about my weight. I need to lose a lot. (I’m not like 100 pounds and saying I’m fat either…no…unlike some, I actually am fat and really do need to lose weight). I’m starting to feel like there’s no hope. I’ve lost weight before, but gained some back after this first year of college. I wanna do kickboxing, I can lose a lot fast, but I’m scared that it’ll cost too much and then I’m doomed. I feel horrible about my weight. I just want to be happy with myself and I have to keep all these feelings to myself cause I have no one to talk to. My mom is acting crazy…she doesn’t want to talk to anyone for some reason and I’m scared to talk to my boyfriend about it cause I hate to seem weak in front of him, I never had a dad, my older brother is never home and I don’t know who else to talk to. At the moment, I feel depression setting in (and suicide’s looking mighty good) and I’m trying to push it all out of my mind, but I hate the way I look and I don’t know who I can talk to. Any advice?