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I got to know him a year ago on my way to work where he stopped me to ask for my number, claiming that he had following me on a bus which i had took. I thought that was very sweet and brave of him and so i gave him my number. From that day onwards, he sent me sweet text messages every morning on my way to work. We went on dates soon after. After 3 months, we soon realised that we are compatible and became more intimate than ever.
In the past 3 months, I realised that he never calls me on the phone to talk, but only sent messages. when i call him on the phone he seldom picks up. Later he'll explain that he was busy servicing a client or he left his handphone at home. He never calls back when he says he will.
There are many things which he does which confuses me. He says he misses me everytime but then when i ask to meet him for dinners or movies he always has to work late, or attend a company event after work. He tells me he's a workaholic but he hates his work and wants to quit so that he has more time for himself, and us.
Many times, i got angry because he doesnt put in the extra effort to meet me. I always have to fit into his 1 hour lunches or breakfasts before he'll rush to client meetings after. I try to be understanding and accomodate but after a while, i got really tired. Tired of having to arrange for quick lunches with him, just so that we can see each other. Lately, he doesnt even reply my text messages. I am sad and tired of waiting for him to reply.
For the past few months I was depressed. We've had a talk and I asked him if he is serious about this relationship. He told me that he's not ready to be in a relationship now. He said his past relationships failed because of his commitment to work, and he's not willing to change that. He said he doesnt want me to be his next victim. I don't understand. If he doesnt want us to work out in the beginning, why bother to do all the sweet things to win me over. Once he had me, he doesnt want me! He said he's willing to continue dating me but whenever he free and I happen to be free, we can go out, but he's not breaking up with me. I am devastated and confused. He's playing with my feelings, just when I realised that i've really fallen in love with him.
I've took up the courage to break up with him 2 days ago. He said he only want what's best for me. I am torn. I know i still love him and think of the beautiful moments we've had together. I know i will do anything to salvage this relationship, but i don't know how.
Please help me.
The problem is, i already have. Since the beginning I have been very understanding and he told me i've been very patient with him. I wasnt even clingy at all. Believe me, I'm a very independent person and i hang out with my own friends. But what kind of relationship are we in if, i'm lucky, we see each other every once in 1 and a half weeks? and during this period he doesnt even call, or he only responds to my messages at the end of the day (if he responds at all)? Surely something must be very wrong? I understand his tight schedules are probably not within his control but surely he can find time to call me after work, no matter how late it is, even if it's for 5 mins? does not calling mean he cares for me? He tells me he wants to take up some hobbies, I encourage him to take it up. I tell him to go out for drinks with his friends. I really dont need to be around him all the time. and the truth is, I dont have the chance nowadays anyway.
What maddens me most is the fact that he always keeps quiet when i am mad at him and tells him my bottled up feelings. He doesnt give me a reply. He doesnt comment. In order to break the silence, I always end telling him 2 days later i'm sorry for bringing the issue up. I feel that I'm alone in this. That is why I cant stay in a relationship that is only driven by me. I feel that he doesnt do anything or at least make an effort to salvage this situation. He says he cares a lot for me. But he still doesnt initiate to call or ask me out. I recently went for an overseas trip and he told me to text him when i'm back. But when i came back and sent him a message, all he replied was: "Cool". What happened to all the "I-miss-you"s?
I broke up with him only because I am the only one who puts on a fight for us. I am tired, emotionally drained.
But I miss him so much.
What should i do?
So you're upset because he doesn't put an an extreme effort to call or see you- this would be a very very reasonable issue IF you were in a serious relationship. However, you're not. As he said, he's not ready for a serious relationship, which clearly is true due to his job. If you're not in a serious relationship, there's a certain lack of something one HAS to do, there are only things one CAN do without trying too hard- and finding time to call when in such a hectic schedule falls under the HAS to do list. I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation, but I don't think there's much you can do if he's simply not willing to take the next step with you right now. I also think his lack of responding when you are mature and honest enough to state when you're upset is childish and definitely does not confirm how he says he cares for you. Also, just "caring" isn't enough- he has to have that extra feeling that comes along with a relationship. Either he has it, or he doesn't. Get him to tell you exactly how he feels, and remind him actions speak louder than words. If you still can't get through to him, do your best to move on and find someone who is ready to be in a relationship that goes both ways. Good Luck!
Why don't you try telling him everything you just wrote? Be honest, let him know what you're confused about and where you think he's possibly slipping up- and be open to the possibility that you've made a few mistakes yourself as well. It's all about compromise, and if you love him for real, you should be willing to make a few sacrifices that obviously come with his job. If your lifestyle is not quite so demanding or strict time-wise, consider yourself lucky and try to cut him some slack. Not just saying, oh okay next time it won't happen, actually try to UNDERSTAND why he couldn't make it to dinner, lunch, whatever because of a part of his life that he can't really change right now. If it turns out you just can't get over his time-consuming job and need more than he can give you right now, either wait for him to be ready or leave, sometimes love just isn't enough if the people aren't able to fight for it.
Hun>Sounds like the relationship was 1-sided. Also sounds like he cant or doesnt want to make a committment! Has he ever said "i love you?" Maybe the novelty has worn off already with him. Its always hard when only 1 person puts forth all the effort in the relationship, while feeling like the other is just along for a short ride. You have alot of maturity, and common sense to know when something isnt right, and you were smart to end it! Find some1 who is worthy of you. You'll be happier in the long run.
