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What you use to base your information about someone on?
I dont usually do long questions but bear with me. I’ve got a family friend, our parents have been friends since I was 5. We never really talked as kids but we used to see each other a lot. My best friend used to be friends with him. So he knows what he used to get up to. He cant stand him. My mother who has been around all this time cant stand him either, and my dad’s not too fond of him. He doesnt have too many real friends, people apparently tolerate him but dont like him too much. They have their reasons, but I see someone who is lonely and lacks self confidence and is not really sure of himself (even though he doesnt seem this way to anyone else…). He says he considers me a friend. From what people tell me, he’s manipulative and therefore he’s just saying it. I am just curious to whether you’d base your opinion of someone else on what everyone is saying (and they have valid reasons), or what you see and believe that maybe they miss?
I just ate too much stroganoff and am suffering from the sour-cream sweats, so bear with me…
“I’m a great judge of character” is one of those asinine things that everyone thinks is true about themselves, along with “I have a great sense of humor” and “I love to travel.” It’s rarely true for anyone. What IS a great judge of character, however, is a bunch of idiots rolled up into a ball. They also give good movie reviews and write passable wikipedia entries.
In Portland, I met a girl, a cute little 5’0” pixie with a Welsh accent and curly blonde hair and a bod that would make rotini uncurl. “She’s crazy, you know,” everyone said, and I mean ev-er-y-one. “Nonsense!” thought I. “I refuse to base my opinion of another person on gossip and hearsay! I refuse to JUDGE!” I felt morally righteous and liberal and dated her for two weeks before I found out that ohmygodthischickisbatshi7insane. Who pukes in someone’s bed, wakes up, and goes home without telling them about it?! HUH?! WHO DOES THAT?! I rolled over in that mess, you dumb Welsh a$$hole.
I would have saved myself a couple of weeks of grief if I had trusted what everyone else had already taken the time to find out ahead of me. If there’s one thing a lump of idiots can do, it’s come up with an aggregate opinion.
You need to be straight-forward with him ask him… are you just saying we’re friends just to be saying it or what? You really need to just watch his ways around other people and you does he change or does he stay the same person? If he does try and help him maybe he needs help but doesnt’ know how.
If I never met someone before I don’t like to judge but if there are a lot of people saying things and having their reasons I wouldn’t really agree but I would go find out for myself if the things they are saying are true. It sounds to me like he needs a real friend and someone that doesn’t just tolerate him. I would talk to him he might have something that’s bothering him making him be like this. I would try to hang out with him a little bit and see how he is and if he wants to change or if something is bothering him.
If you confront him and he’s a bad guy, he will just look you in the eyes and say that he “really likes you” and that he “cares” and then you will really be hurt if he is lying. I say, give it time…be friends, don’t confide anything that you wouldn’t want others to know. It is great to give people chances but you should still protect yourself…that way, if he really has changed, you will develop a good friendship and if he hasn’t changed, you are still in the right, you gave him a chance while protecting yourself…
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