What should I do if my boyfriend wants me to open up to him?

Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and 9 months, and we can do anything with each other and talk about anything. But what really gets in the way of our relationship is me. My boyfriend says I push him away every time im upset, sad or in need to cry and just crawl into myself and cry alone. I have once opened up to him by telling him about my past, and how my ex hurted me and I did it, we never felt so close with each other like that but then we got all of this stuff going on, I was vulnerable, needy, clingy and I get hurt easily but he was too busy and when he has free time, he decides to spend it with friends, and this is what I have always feared… being weak and needing the affection that I need and everything his doing is hurting me cause he was being distant since I’ve opened up.

A few months later my gran had a stroke and I just cried to myself refusing to talk to him about how I felt, and at that time I already closed backed up… and we kept arguing, he was upset that I closed up again, and I just told him I just want to get a grip of myself and be alone but all he wanted was to be there for me to be my shoulder to lean on but I refused and we broke up, we got back together, then we broke up 3 weeks after.

2 months later he came back to me and said he still loves me and now were back to the stage that I cant open up to him, I don’t know what else to do, we already argued about me not opening up to him for 3 or more times in the last month and he told me if I close up again that’s it. He said his sorry but he just want to be alone if I do close up again… I opened up to him, told him how I felt, how the break was so real to me that to him we’ve been together for 2 years but to me its only been 2 months and its hard for me to recover from the break up cause his the one who keep leaving me. I just don’t know what to do anymore to keep him close… I told him I didn’t want to open up cause Im gonna show my true colours, that I’ll be vulnerable, dependant on him, needy, clingy, over protective and who knows what else there is. But he told he, he wants that, and I can understand how he feels but I grew up since I was 5 to be independent to take care of myself, and I had no one to turn to or cry to. But what a girl like me to do? I love him I really do and I really wanna change with how I open up and tell my feelings but im afraid that one day he’ll just turn around and say “I want to be single again” what should I do?