What Do You Think of My Book So Far?

This is a part of a book I’m writing. It’s about this guy in high school, Jordan Redder. He’s a senior this year. His girlfriend- Abbey Viscioni- died over the summer. She was in a car accident and it was her dad’s fault. Jordan used to be on the soccer team, and he was so good he would have gotten a scholarship if he’d stayed in it senior year. He was also semi-popular, thanks to Abbey. When he goes back to school he doesn’t go on the soccer team. He has these new friends who do drugs, and they tell him it’ll make him happy again. Meanwhile the principal wants him to talk to the school counselor. She tells him to write a journal about it so that’s what the story is, his journal:

October 5th- The darkness was always comforting because Abbey and I were in dark places a lot. And no I don’t mean sex. I just mean in general. She has this walk in closet and sometimes we’d sit in it with the lights off, whispering. She told me the dark was her sanctuary, and because she was there, it became mine too. In the distance I could hear Mr. Viscioni yelling on the phone, or the Viscionis’ maid humming while she cleans. That was the outside world. In her closet it was just light enough to see her face. It was shadowy and her expressions moved with the shadows. I didn’t notice that before. Sure I saw she looked amazing and I kept thinking ‘this is my girlfriend. I can’t believe it.’ But now I remember everything clearer. And I wish I thought of that before. Because now it’s too late and the dark isn’t comforting anymore.