We can't find the internet
Attempting to reconnect
Something went wrong!
Hang in there while we get back on track
what do I do
12 years ago my best friend and husband became good friends she was having trouble with her marriage and used his shoulder to cry on but they got close I found out and they both swore that nothing happened that they just talked on the phone I believed them for 12 years now she was diognosed with breast cancer and felt the need to come clean so she called me and told me the whole story. There was sex and there was even oral sex my husband and I have been having trouble for the past 3 monthes since I found out. I am out of church because I cannot stop hating her so much. He tells me that I need help because I can’t get over this . well it is consuming my life because I can’t get overt it I wake up with it on my mind and I go to sleep with it on my mind. but why did he lie to me and is still ling to me . This is my 2nd marriage I left everything for him I thought I could change him but he is like an acholic he is addicted and can’ stop please help me I am really going crazy .
You have every right to feel totally betrayed right now, and if you cant get over it, YOU DONT HAVE TO! he is the one that has been lying and cheating WIT YOUR BEST FRIEND not just some random women. Thats a double betray and who is he to tell you that you need to get over it…….NO YOU DONT! You have been looking like a fool all these years, trusting them both while they have both been lying to you and taking advantage of you, if anyone has issues its them 2. You need to rid yourself of both of them hun becos you will never be able to look at them both again without feeling the hate, and after what they have done, its ok to hate them. You need to wish your best friend well with her cancer (sorry to hear) but she isnt worth it anymore, she doesnt deserve your friendship and kindness after what she has done to you all these years, get her out of your life becos you will never be able to trust her around any other man again. And leave your husband also, he is a dog and broke your trust with someone who meant alot to you, he has no boundries, you wont be able to ever trust him again and will live a miserable life if you stay. You need to start afresh without these monsters in your life dragging you into their rut, they deserve each other and if that does happen they will prob end up cheating on each other anyway! You need to go and find someone to move away to, away from these 2, and start your own independant life and in time you will feel stronger than ever.
Having your trust broken by the two closest people to you is not an easy thing to overcome. Despite the fact that it happened a long time ago, the fact that you just found out about it makes it recent in your heart and mind. It is normal that you are having a hard time digesting this and that you need time to heal.
You’ve been trying to get over it for the last three months so it might be time to change tactics and as your husband suggested, it seems like a good idea to get some help. You basicaly have to eventualy make up your mind whether you can get over this and learn to build a loving and trusting relationship together again. Talking it through with someone like a therapist, psychologist or marriage councelor seems like the next step.
I highly suggest that you both go to a marriage councelor and find out if you are both willing to make the effort to make this relationship work in the long run. Remember that a relationships is a two way street and he also needs to look at what he has done and how he can contribute to helping your healing process.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself the space and time you need to figure out what you really need and want. This is an extremely painful situation and it you need to be thinking about your welfare first and above all. Things might work out if both parties are willing to put their egos aside and truly communicate (ex.: be honest!) but untill you both get help it will be difficult to agree on what steps need to be taken in order to win your trust back.
Good luck!
Sex
Sex education, Intimacy, Relationship advice