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My husband and I have known each other for the past 13 years (we have been together as a family for the last 9 years) and married for the last 6 years. Our lovelife took a dump ever since our last child was born, who is now 4. Earlier this year I found out he was cheating on me. Of course I was ticked and kicked him out. We have 3 kids (he is the father of all 3 but the middle one isnt mine, at least not biologically, that is an even longer story but we were not together when that child was conceived so I cant fault him entirely for that) and this hasnt been easy on them but I was at my wits end. We ended the lease at our old place and move into different places. Well I moved by myself and he and his lover signed a lease and moved in together. It's been 8 months and I'm trying to move on with my life and for the past couple of months he's been telling me he how much he loves me and how he wants his family back. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I've lived practically 3000 miles away from where I truly call home for over 9 years, now that I want to return he wants to go also so we can start over. I love him but I'm not sure if I should give it another try or not. He cheated on me about 12 1/2 years ago and I left him, we split up for 3 years before we got back together everything was going smooth until this year or at least I thought it was. He tells me he loves me, but he still goes back to his place every night, his son stays with him the other 2 stay with me and he has told the kids he wants us to be back together. His girlfriend or whatever you want to call her knows he wants to move back as well but something about all of this just isnt right. I feel like I'm still being regarded as #2, when as his wife I should be placed as first. He keeps telling me he wants to go with me when I leave but should I just tell him to stay where he is at and make the best of the choices he made, or forgive him, get counseling and try to mend our broken family????
OK, you was who kicked him out from your common life, that is true he cheated on you, but that does not mean that he wanted to brake up and destroy the family. After several year marriage some cheatings may happen on both sides, mainly if the lovelife is not perfect anymore, which comes almost regularly. He moved in with this girl, but that was more or less obligate after you kicked him out . So now I think the best would be that if you three could sit down together and have a serious conversation about your future. As far as I understand what you wrote, all 3 of you have mixed and ambiguous feelings, so you 3 have to be patient and appreciative to each other. Further, in certain sense you may remain in a typical triangel, I mean at least in your soul/memory/etc, maybe also physically, but in that triangel you will have the strongest position; the position of the cohesive wife/mother. The best solution of the problem of such a triangel is that if all of you are in friendship, and help each other.
