How do I know if my ex still loves me? (continued)

Well I’m glad you’re putting some thought into things. You still need to just slow it down. You don’t need to hit the gas like that. There needs to be time for you two to build up trust between each other again. That’s a one day, one moment at a time thing. You have both been unsure and indecisive with each other. Marraige and all that, just hoooooold on there a minute. That is way out of your league right now. You kids are always in such a hurry.

Now, you mentioned that you “drop all responsibilities” just to talk to him. Stop doing that! Your responsibilities always come first. Your man will respect that. Men love a woman who takes care of business.

You said that you need to be showerd with affection and attention everyday in order to feel that you are liked and loved. Are you listening to yourself? You need to work on yourself here–this is an unfair thing to ask of anyone. Who and what are you to be born into a world where you will constantly be loved AND have people swim through shark infested waters to prove it to you? NO ONE always has that. We all go through times when we are not someone’s favorite person, where we don’t get the boy, where we don’t feel that we are admired and cherished above all others. It would be impossible for any one person to live up to this standard you have outlined–and this is where you set yourself up for failure and loss.

Personally, I think you’re a long way off from being wife material. Everyone wants love. But you have to deserve it. You have to earn it, work for it, and most importantly, you have to cherish it and value it when it comes your way. It is a gift and it is rare and it gets harder and harder to find the older you get. You kid throw love around so easily, as if it exists in every corner, therefore I find it very hard to believe that most of you ever know what it is if it does happen to truly find you. You did not value this guy before. Because you suddenly want to value him now, it doesn’t mean he is willing or able to drop it all because you snapped your fingers.

My suggestion is that you take care of yourself before you are willing to take care of anyone else. You require far too much attention and maintenance to ask anyone to give themselves to you. With all due respect to your situation, you’re time consuming, annoying, disheartening and emotionally draining to be around. You have no self confidence and you drain the energy of those around you in order to get a temporary sense of it. It’s called emotional vampirism.

My advice–my true advice? Get out there and find something you’re good at and do it often. It will make you feel better about yourself, rather than having to place the burden of your emotional security and well being on those around you, who will just constantly fail at it. No one can make you like yourself except for you.

But everything else on the backburner, this is most important.