How can I get my real Mom to let me like my Stepmom?

Hi msotel!

You might be a bit surprised to know that the problem you’re confronted with is actually a common one. My parents have divorced when I was very young, and my mother had a very similar behaviour to what you are describing. But let’s talk about you, because this isn’t about me :)

Usually when people divorce, and especially if a child is involved (i.e. yourself), one of the parties tends to get jealous, vengeful and upset with the other. I will take a wild guess (correct me if I’m wrong) and assume that your father was the one who intended the divorce. This is an aspect that turns wives or ex-wives against their husbands. Raising a child on your own is very difficult, and your mom needs to focus on your development and education as her main priority, putting her own needs after.

I would suggest not talking to your mother about your step-mom, because it will only upset her more. You should understand how she feels - even if these feelings aren’t justified or fair - and accept it. Try to limit your conversations about her to a need-to-know basis, and avoid putting gas on fire by talking appreciative about her.

Also try to reassure your mother that she is the best mother, and that nobody could replace her. She feels that her position is threatened, and because of her vulnerability, she requires a lot of attention and appreciation.

Good luck, and enjoy the time you spend with your step-mom, but also try not to hurt your mom in the process!

Hope this helped!

tell your mom that she will always be the only “mom” you’ll know. she should feel grateful that you have a step-mom INTERESTED in you. some others don’t care about their step-kids. there are other ways for your step-mom to get on your dad’s good side so you know she’s for real.