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What would you do if you were in my situation

I’m 20 years old and I been with my boyfriend for 2years.before we even date my boyfriend said he wanted to meet my dad.I said no because my dad is too strict.I go through stress at home because of my dad.he always yelling at me for no reason.I can’t go to the store without my dad going crazy.If i go out for more than 2 hours he went out to look for me like I’m a baby.I always have to sneak out to see my boyfriend and I’M tired of it.when i told my dad i had a boyfriend he was upset about it.the worst part is when i told him my boyfriend had dropout In the 10th grade.my dad doesn’t like my boyfriend and think he’s not good enough for me because of that.my boyfriend is a sweet guy,he got a job.I been begging my boyfriend to go back to school for over a year now.he always tell me not now.all he need to do is just going to school and meet my dad.he said he doesn’t want to meet my dad.’m just tired of everything i just want him to meet my dad that way our relationship be much batter.i meet his mom after she done calling me name.but now his mom like me.2months ago my boyfriend told me his moving to Tampa with his mom.I was so sad to hear this.his a grown * man I don’t know why he can’t just moving with a friend. but my boyfriend want me to move to Tampa with him.his mom said i can come If I want too.what i don’t understand is why he want me to make that sacrifice of moving to Tampa with him but he can’t the sacrifice of going back to school and meet my dad.the only thing he have to do is go to school and my dad would love him

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Answer #1

Well here’s the thing. Your boyfriend did want to meet your dad in the beginning but you said no. Then, after you decided to tell your dad about him, you only made things worse by not describing him as the ‘sweet guy with a job’ but as the ‘school drop out’. So by saying that you automatically gave your dad a negative opinion of your boyfriend. I honestly do not blame him for not wanting to meet your dad now.

I also don’t think that it’s safe to assume that if your boyfriend continues to go to school that your dad will automatically love him. You have to understand that your dad is very protective over you, despite the fact that you are an adult, and that no man is ever going to be ideal for you. That’s just how it is. It’s a natural response. That however does not mean that he’s never, ever going to like ANY guy you end up dating. He’s just going to be really picky because he thinks that he knows what’s best for you. So he’ll keep interrogating and microscoping (that even a real word? lol) every and any guy you come into contact with. Until he feels that you’ve met someone who’s worth your time, etc.

So honestly, I don’t think that moving to Tampa is going to fix anything. Especially knowing that your dad flips out whenever you’re away for more than 2 hours. Imagine the drama if you moved to Tampa. I don’t know, I don’t think that it’s a good idea. Unless of course, you are completely sure that moving to Tampa with your current boyfriend is what you really want.

And no, I am not going to say something like, ‘what the heck, you’re 20 years old, why does your dad care about your decisions.’ I don’t think that a comment like that makes any sense any way, especially not knowing your cultural background.

Think, think, think… before you act. It’s hard but it has to be done.

Answer #2

I imagine you’ll likely get responses like “you’re 20, an adult, you can do whatever you want” and such. But I understand, different cultures, different values, different customs, some families are much more closely knitted than others. I believe this is something you should more discuss with your boyfriend. Discuss with him everything you stated in this, the unfairness you feel about his asking you to make all the sacrifices, discuss with him that you really wish to keep a good relationship with your dad so that it’d mean a lot to you if he met you. Have a nice long talk about it, get everything out. I also think it’d be a good idea to talk to your dad. Dads are always overprotective of their daughters. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost five years and my dad still doesn’t fully “like” him haha. But talk to your dad, tell him how your boyfriend makes you feel, or how he takes care of you or how he treats you. Perhaps if you dad is more open to this boyfriend of yours, your boyfriend will be more willing to meet him again. In addition, I also do not think it’s a great idea to just move to Tampa. You obviously care about your relationship with your father (seeing as you want your father to like your boyfriend) moving away like that will likely destroy your relationship. Again, discuss with your boyfriend options and choices on this matter.

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