Should I have an affair?

I have been with my husband for 17 years, he doesnt satisfy me in bed, do you think it would be hurtful if I had an affair!!! I am 34 years old, and only ever orgasmed twice!!!

Answer #1

you shouldnt go that far because he isnt satisfying you in have been married for 17 years what were you doing all these years that you want to throw a well built relationship into water?NOOO gurlly dont do that atleast,talk with your husband okay?hear what he has to say.a relatonship might even stress you more.dont you think?hope this helps

Answer #2

. Like I was saying, I cheated on my husband and I can tell you, IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Where is our restraint? and when did we begin believing that it was up to our spouse to make our life exciting? This is a partnership that is fueled by love, admiration and respect for each other. Do you remember when you and your husband were first dating? Remember the lust, attraction, excitement. It would be only natural that those superficial emotions would eventually fade away and be replaced with something stronger and more enriching. In every marriage, the lust subsides. Why would you disrespect your husband, disrespect your children and yourself for the sake of recapturing something that you and your husband once had? I contemplated this for months and did research and read forums warning me of how STUPID it is to have an affair. The result? I did it anyway. I can begin to tell you how painful it is for me to look in my adoring husband’s eyes and tell him he’s the only man that captures my heart, my mind and my body. I told him about the affair shortly after it occured. Ladies, did we expect marriage to be an unwithering circle of hot steamy sex and roses? What the hell? I don’t know how I fell for such a lie. Marriage is powerful. You dedicate yourselves to each other to help each one become a better version of themselves. You create a new generation and partner up together in raising helpful, decent citizens and human beings. What power that is! The problem is that we have this fake, superficial idea of what is supposed to make us feel ALIVE. HOT sex in the car, feeling DESIRED by some man other than YOUR man. Thanks to television and in my opinion (Satan), we are fed lies in order to bring us to the edge and destroy what is the very foundation of this country: strong marriages and strong families. And we are led believe that we’re not hurting anyone…it’s something we NEED to do for ourselves. If you respect your husband, your marriage, your kids and yourself, you will GET UP and get the HELP you need. I wish I would’ve done that instead of being afraid to ask for help. I fell into the monsters pit and there’s not ONE day that goes by that I don’t regret it. I don’t have the perfect husband, and I am not the perfect wife. But we TALK a lot now and we’ve identified each others needs. Mine are the need for affection and sexual fullfillment, conversation, recreational companionship. His are the need to feel admired and respected by me. Every person has needs that their spouse is ABLE to fullfill for them. It begins with communicating those needs DIRECTLY and making a COMMITMENT to fullfill them for your spouse. That’s how you know you love them. If you are willing and working towards meeting your spouses needs, even when it requires some sacrifice on your part. The lust and the need to feel DESIRED? Give me a break. The affair will bring you that for a short while. INFATUATION IS SHORT! Don’t you know this already? Remember the dating days with hubby? It is bound to wear off and will either be replaced with true love and commitment or a tiring of the person. Before you know it, you will be running off to find the next affair and hurting everyone you love. Rekindling the fire with your spouse is possible, but it takes commitment. There’s nothing sexier than having sex with the person you will grow old with. Every time is a renewal of your vows and a renewal of your commitment to build a strong family. Get creative and get professional help. If you’re still not willing, then it’s not possible that you love your husband…it just isn’t. In that case, a separation is best for you, for him, and yes, for your children. ANYONE READING THIS, please don’t make the mistake I did, and if you’re in an affair already, CONFESS to your husband, and both of you GO get good counseling. Marriage today is under attack. Either you can stand strong and save yours or you can listen to foolishness and regret. I wish I made the right choice. I guess I feel like maybe if I write this, I can help some women make the right choice and it will help me heal. Please, if you can do anything after this, separate lies from truth in your mind. Look at your wedding pictures and remember the days of infatuation with your love. Fortunately, those days have become a beautiful marriage with limitless potential and not just ‘another fling.’ Here is a website that has been extremely helpful in dealing with affairs and their affects as well as helping you understand your marriage and your spouse so that you can AVOID an affair. They deal with EVERYTHING regarding affairs, including emotional needs (which seems to be why most women are having affairs), sexual desire with your spouse, ending affairs, etc. READ all you can! There are tons of articles about this, and I believe it’s the first step, then you should go get a counseler/coach to hold you accountable and help you both save your marriage. Best Wishes to all of you.

Answer #3

Sure, it would hurt him like bollocks. Have you talked to him about the sex thingy as yet? Maybe his sex drive is low already, maybe he is having an affair also.

How about you? Are you turning him on? Are you out of shape?

Look at all those factors and decide what to do from there. Some people would come out in a flash and say no way. But sex is so important to human existence that I dont feel that its in anyone's place to tell you what to do.

Answer #4

I am in the same boat, I have been married for 21 years and have 2 childrem 17 and 18. I love my husband, but while dancing with a man at a celebration on Catalina Island, this man brought out passion in me that I have not felt in many years. We did not kiss, just danced so tenderly… I can harldy breath from thinking about him.. I too do not know what to do… I ache for him, but I have never…ever gone out on my husband…do I start now?

Answer #5

I would just do it to get it off your mind. it is obvious you want to have mad sex and you have needs. It is normal to want it…Have a few sessions of mad sex to get sex off you mind and put it behind you. Then go back to you husband. Having a little fun is healthly and will make you happier, if you don’t have a problem with guilt.

Practice safe sex. The marry thing is over rated. Just cover your tracks.

Use a condom and have fun…Try cumminh 5 times on your first date to flush out your system. Enjoy!!!

Answer #6

AfFaIr????? hellooo r u INSANEEE wow way to screw up ur entire life!!! what would people think of you?? thers nothing worse than being MARRIED and wanting someone else.. get this worked out fast or screw it.. just get divorced or something.

Answer #7

i think sex is a important part of the marriage so when someone tells you that dont matter thats bull!! if no one was having sex problems in this world no one would be having affairs i think u should talk to him 1st try and work on it then if not then seperate for awhile take a break and have your fling then you can see if its worth it or not good luck

Answer #8

He does find me very attractive!!! and I am in good shape. I just don't find him attractive anymore, We still sleep together all the time, I feel that I just want passion. Sex in the past nether bothered me coz I never realised you were meant to get something out of it!!! Now i know I want it all the time, but I want to feel excited etc.

Answer #9

Have you been lying around waiting for him to give you an orgasm? Hell, you're lucky you've had two! It's not neccessarily his job…whether the he be a husband, or the "affair". Figuring this stuff out WITH your husband should be half of the fun. Go back to bed, with the man you married, and race him to the orgasm.

Answer #10

NO! There is more to being married then sex! You should be happy you have a wonderful guy. So he dont please you in bed, get over it! Maybe the problem isn't with him maybe is with you. What if this was the other way around would you want him to go have an affair? I dont think so. I suggest trying something different and new with him.

Answer #11

Completely wrong.

Sex is uber, extremely important to a marriage. Especially with young couples. Lack of sexual satisfaction is the thing that destroys many marriages and lead couples to turn to affairs.

I'm glad that this person talked to her husband and turned it around. Just talking about things can help so much with everything usually.

Good luck!

Answer #12

does he have a small penis?

Answer #13

Sure the problem isn’t you?

Answer #14


Answer #15

NOOOOOOOO do not have an affair! but i do know how you can get an orgasm. i know you might not like this but masterbate, play with your clitorous or ya know do it the other way. or if that doesnt work have a 3-some with another woman or another man, but maybe you should have sex with another woman i think that would help.

Answer #16

I have spoken to my husband about this and our sex life has improved tremendously, I just want the passion and excitement an affair has to offer! He finds me very attractive but the feeling isn't mutual.

Answer #17

wow it’s not just about your needs or what he isn’t doing you need to try to make the bedroom more interesting. You can’t expect someone to change or want to do the same thing all of the time, would you, no. But if you wanna be with someone else than get a divorce don’t stay with him when you don’t wanna be with him. Would you like it if he did it to you no you wouldn’t so think about everything first.

Answer #18

Do donkeys fly coach?

More Like This

Love & Relationships

Dating, Marriage, Breakups

Ask an advisor one-on-one!

Victoria Milan

Dating Services, Relationship Counseling, Marriage Counseling