Why do I miss my ex when our whole relationship was based on lies?

He cheated on me on several occasions. He’d lie about basically anything and could be mean. Yet I miss him like crazy. We’ve been over for almost 3 months. Why would I miss someone like that? And what should I do about it.. ?

Answer #1

Maybe because you had feelings for him before all the lies started

Answer #2

maybe because you miss the good times and all the sweet thing you had with him before you figured he was lying.

Answer #3

Because you still love, or loved him. When you love someone your going to love them no matter what they do or say. Eventually it will go away, for not it will be there,but soon you will find somebody that you deserve and move on.

Answer #4

Sometimes what happens is that we fall in love with the type of person who bases their lives on lies, when that happens we actually fall in live with the lies. Of course we do not know at that point that they are lies. It is hard to get over something like that.

Answer #5

There’s a nifty trick, it’s something along the lines of repeating something to yourself over and over again till you believe it, it will happen if you say it long enough, it goes by the name of… Oh I think it’s called brainwashing…

Now, you can opt for trying to brainwash yourself, or you can try the slower, more tedious, method. Rational thinking and processing detail before meaning. Your brain functions by processing meaning before detail, hence the fact that you still have feelings for him beyond what he did to you. So what is it that you have to do? Well, process the details before the meaning. If you can get that down, then your brain will develop new feelings based on the details. Which, of course, requires your brain to be entirely rewired. If you find a way to get around paying for surgery and still be able to do this, please, tell me how you did it!

The last choice you have, which is what everyone else uses, is time. All you can do is wait it out, yes, it sucks, it hurts, the pain is about as irrational as the words coming out from Sarah Palin’s mouth but what can you do? Drink a martini, hang out with friends, wreck a couple of cars, flirt with a couple guys (aka: me) and just try to live as if it never happened.

Well I hope that wraps this up :) cheers to you Moe, I’m glad to see you are doing okay :)

Answer #6

People get attached, you may or may not have seen the lies in the beginning, but you’re always looking back on the good times. But what you have to realize is; People change, they may not always be the same. And that’s the hardest realization you’ll have to come by. The thing you have to focus on is, it’s a lesson learned for future reference. You may not see it now, it’ll still be sore, you’ll be sad for a few. But later on in life, you’ll more than likely meet another person, and have hopefully a better relationship and possibly even marriage with them. life doesn’t always work out as how you want it to, but I’ll at least guarantee a good happy ending for you.

Answer #7

so according to wikipedia love is a three step approach step one: you lusted him, sorry if i just made up a word (can last weeks to months) step two: you became emotionally attracted to each other (lasts one and a half to three years) step three: you are feeling somehow attached to him (this can last for any amount of time)

i’m guessing you are in stage 2 in which case the reason you are feeling this way for this guy is because you felt emotionally attached to him, or you felt as though you were starting to get to something more real, personally i’ve heard stories from extremely promiscuous people about how when they saw there “one” they automatically knew that, that person was their “one”. if you have any questions leave me a status update or something. 8)

Answer #8

Because despite all his lies, all his false promises he made to you during your relationship, there is still that small glimmer of wonderful memories that caused u to fall in love with him in the first place. It’s not easy to forget the hurt when it’s tied to someone u still have feelings for…even though he wronged you…pain like that takes it toll and does take some time to go away, slowly if ever it does in the final analysis.

Answer #9

Lmao you’re awesome

Answer #10

Well supposedly, one of my ex’s cheated on me during our whole relationship. I won’t even say how long it went on before I found out… Plus like your’s he lied all the time and could be mean at well (I’m not lying). So basically I guess he just used me… But the point is I was heart-broken like you and not only did I miss the comfort and security I felt with having him around, we had been together long enough to love him even after I found out about his crap. I wanted all those bad things to disappear and act like nothing had happened and to go back to the good times I had with him. So I reckon you’re experiencing something of the same. Sooner or later I reckon you’ll find a much better guy and you’ll probably wonder why you ever wasted your time on a guy like that but at the same time you’ll be kinda thankful ‘cause your bad ex helped you to get to the better guy :)

Answer #11

Thank you :)

Answer #12

You miss him because although he lied and hurt you, you were being honest the whole time and you actually cared. You put all of your love and trust into him and your relationship thinking that he was being genuine, loving, and honest in return, though he wasn’t. Even if the relationship was based on lies, what you felt and went through was real. Things like that hurt.

In my previous relationship I was with a girl for a little over a year. I put everything into our relationship. Most of all, I trusted her. When we broke up, I found out that she had been ‘in love’ with her friend (who she’s now actually dating) for some time even before we broke up. She lied about things for I don’t even know how long. There were so many things she did.. she hurt me a lot. In the end of it all, though, I missed her like crazy too. For a while, I still loved her. The whole situation had confused me a lot. A lot of the ‘why?’ questions and whatnot..

In any case, what I found is that in situations like this, we miss the people who we thought they were. We miss the good times, the laughs, the little moments that meant a LOT to us. It’s hard to just let go of what we, at some point, were happy with. It’s hard to let go of someone we actually loved. It’s just hard in all points, and that’s normal. It will get better though. It always, always will. Within time, you will meet new people, do new things, and go new places. The pain will slowly fade. You will get through it.

As for what can help for now, just spend time taking care of yourself and doing things you enjoy. Take some art classes (if you’re into art), or pick up some new hobbies. I know that probably sounds a little lame, but it really ends up being a lot of fun and can make you feel better. ^^

Answer #13

cause lies are fun! ..and you probably a) have low self-esteem, b) can’t get another guy or c) see that he’s too happy without you.

Answer #14

Because you loved him,and it hurts you that he would do that stuff,you wish he was a different person.I guess it just takes time.Trying to find a new love or keeping busy sounds like a good idea…but only try to find a new love if you think your ready..but if your not..the time will be right one day.

Answer #15

I know this happened to one of my friends who is in a simular instence, but in her problem she misses the idea of a boyfriend. She felt lonely that she didnt have that person. no matter who it was. The question for you to ask yourself is do you miss the guy or do you miss the idea of the guy? the reasons why you might feel you miss him is because you see him as being that guy, when you see him you think of the guy who holds you, who talks to you, r whatever your bf idea is. That is my thought. hope it helps

Answer #16

You miss the why things where, not the way they ended, and you may think that things could go back to the way they where.

Answer #17

I’m feeling you sister. Same exact thing happened to me. Right after we’ve been together for a month. My first kiss too. :,(

Answer #18

We were together for 7 months. He was my first-first. So yeah, it’s kinda tough lol. You’re going to find someone else, too.. ;)

Answer #19

That really sucks. Well I hope you feel better and realize that if he lied to you then he isn’t worth your time, thoughts, or anything. He just broke up with me last week so i am at the acceptance stage finally!! Hope you make it there too. Oh and remember to forgive him and not be angry with him or any other kind of emotion just forgive and you’ll feel alot better.

Answer #20

This is a easy one. You miss him for the same reasons you wanted him around in the first place. Because you like (love) him. Only you know the amount of time you spent in the relationship. But the longer time spent in the relationship the more you were used to being around each other, the more time it will take to get over him. I know because I have been there… Is there life after … (what ever his name is) YES there is… It just takes a while. Good luck!

Answer #21

Why do you miss someone who all they did was lie to you? I could say that you miss all the good times y’all had, however not all wrong, I think there is more to it than that.

Well here’s what I think. You are either still in love with him (I don’t know how long y’all dated but I don’t think its this one)… or he still has a hold on you (I think it’s this one).

I am assuming he broke up with you or he caused y’all to break up…. in which case he pretty much made himself better than you…. let me explain in my situation.

I had a gf who cheated on me and lied to me throughout our entire relationship. When it was over with I still missed her terribly even though I hated her (I don’t use hate lightly). Well, the truth was was when she broke up with me, I felt that she had assumed she was better than me and I was beneath her. I missed her because I didn’t want to feel l was less than who I actually am. I didn’t want to be with her because I hated who she was, but it was her breaking it off which made it feel like I wasn’t good enough.

So maybe it isn’t that you miss him its just you subconsciously feel like if I was better or if I was worth it I’d still have him and are fighting to regain what you felt like you lost. I take it you are always angered when you think about him?…. well that’s your sign. That’s how it was for me….

Well I hope this helps and I said something different from the plethora or responses you got …… and keep in mind he’s the one who lost someone who loved him, you didn’t lose anyone that cared about you…. so in the end it’s his loss not yours.

Good luck.

Answer #22

you missed what you thought he was, and what you thought you knew.

Answer #23

cause you still love him know matter what

Answer #24

I agree with stephen, but would add that in small cases it just means that it was your time yet, and in a few years when u both have had time to mature you could find that its right.

Answer #25

i feel you so much me n my guy…well im so attached it crazy its weird just seeing someone everyday n them being in your life n then they choose to just walk out but he’ll be back to poke head around even if not to be serious just do you cuz you’ll find urself taking in so much space n figurin out what you tolerate n what you wont

Answer #26

ur still in love with the lies… it takes time to get over someone. i once thought i was inlove with someone bt it turned out i wasnt i was in love with the idea of them (if that makes any sense) i was in the love with the person i thought he was nt the person he actually was

More Like This

Love & Relationships

Dating, Marriage, Breakups

Ask an advisor one-on-one!

Miss Date Doctor® - Relations...

Mental Health Services, Relationship Coaching, Couples Therapy


Miss Date Doctor®

Relationship Coaching, Couples Therapy, Dating Coach


Imago UK Relationship Therapy

Therapy Services, Counseling Services, Relationship Therapy


Principle Skills Relationship...

Counseling Services, Therapy Services, Relationship Workshops