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Rebelling 13 Year Old Sister

Ok, first I’ll give you the background. My mother and fathers marriage ended when I was three and he started a new family with another women. They have three daughters together. They had lived in W.A. (I live in QLD) up until there seperation. Now my sisters and their mother live in a town an hour from me. We haven’t really had much to do with one another although I do care for them dearly. The oldest is 13 and is rebelling. I believe it is stemming from the separation of her parents and the hatred and confusion she has towards the both of them. She is hanging around with people 5 and 6 years her senior, chroming, drinking, having sex and could be taking drugs. She steals off her mother, pulls knives on her when she doesn’t get her own way, swears at and hits the younger two who are 7 and 10 years old. She is skipping school constantly and gallavanting around the country side with her so called friends. She is never at home and when she is she is a vile young women. Her mother has saught help from child safety agencies, the police and fellow family members. So far nothing has helped. She has no respect what so ever for authority figures, even the police. I’ve offered to take her for a week of the school hollidays which start next week. I personally want to give the little shit a good flogging to wake her up but I know that this isn’t the way to go. Can you please give me some advice on what to do with her? I have been down the same track as her although I ended up on heavy drugs, heavy drinking and locked up countless times. What woke me up was crashing a friends car nearly killing all 5 people that were in it by driving drunk and stoned, hitting a semi truck, spinning into a tree and then a power pole.I just don’t want her to have to learn the way I did. Dad is unable to do anything because she refuses to have anything to do with him and he lives in W.A. and is constantly working. How do I get through to her before it is to late?

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Answer #1

Old-fashioned, heavy-but-fatherly discipline is the proper way to deal with such an out of control situation. Unfortunately, it’s probably illegal in the country where you live (along with flogging, which is harsh but effective), so I’m not sure there’s anything that can be done that will be effective. Normally these problems shouldn’t get this big before they’re dealt with. In any case, even if some kind of intervention were successful, much damage has already been done, as you probably know from your own experiences. I wish you luck, but other than a father that’s legally able to discpline his children, there’s no solution that is reasonably guaranteed to work. Chances are, she will have to suffer or see others suffer enough to realize what she’s doing isn’t right. In your case, you probably know what you were doing was bad for YOU, but you didn’t change until you almost killed your friends. Compassion can be a powerful changing-force in even the most immoral and selfish people.

Answer #2

Well, I think you know you already have a very valuable lesson you can share with her. Sit her down and with complete honesty tell her exactly what happened to you. Use information you think she can relate to about the life you once led, how you used drugs and drinking, how it made you feel, she’s definitely more likely to listen to you if she thinks she can relate to you. She can’t relate to a police officer or child safety agent. She doesn’t feel like she can relate to anyone, really. But if she sees you were once in her place not too long ago, she might just listen up. And then, tell her what you just wrote in your question. Explain exactly what woke you up, and go in detail through how it made you feel. Ask her if she wants the same thing, (or worse) to happen to her. Tell her that not only are you grateful you were able to change through this experience, but also that you can maybe have a chance to keep her from doing the same thing. This girl is pushing people away because she doesn’t feel like they can understand her. You have to show her you were once in her place (without trying TOO hard, keep it honest) and then she’ll have a chance to see there’s still hope for her to turn her life around. Good luck.

Answer #3

I promise not to write as much as the last person. Basically it sounds to me what you would like to do is whoop her a$$ to set her straight but it wont work like that b/cuz she’s too old. But i promise her she wouldnt behave that way if she was spanked when she was much younger. What i prefer you do is talk to her like an adult. Treat her like an adult. But then do this, Take her to a prison and let her see 4 herself the way they live. Tell her what goes on in there. Tell her that if u dont join a gang in jail, people will pick on you and take stuff from you cause u have no1 to protect her. After u do that take her to a morgue and let her see what happens to people like her everyday. If @ that poin she doesnt turn her life around it’s up to God whether he wants to save her

Answer #4

Hey, only reason i wrote so much is because this is a kind of situation that I think can’t be solved in one little paragraph of advice. Sorry if I care to be specific/detailed when giving advice, I like to give as much information as possible to help the person out so no questions are left over.

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