PLEASE help! Does she love me, or hate me?

I’ve known this girl for more than 6 years. Our parents have known each other prior to us meeting, but we had NO IDEA. Anyway, we both transferred from different schools and met because we were in the same class. She started writing me love notes out of nowhere, and back then I was flattered because I never had that happen to me before. Anyway, she ended up showing all of her girl friends, and then I showed all of my guy friends. It became a big school thing and we completely embarassed ourselves. The next day, we said our sorries and we were fine and close again. We did EVERYTHING together, from walking to school together, to going out to the mall, and so forth.

Next, high school hit. I ended up ignoring her for about a year, because of something that happened between us (I don’t remember exactly). We were always on and off because of people or issues. What do you expect? We didnt ‘grow up’ I guess. Anyway, grade 12 hit, and she approached my friend (we were hanging out), and then she tried to make conversation with me by asking if I was going to the prom. From then on we INSTANTLY got close again. She had a boyfriend at this time. I decided that it was time to tell her how I really felt about her, for all this time. I came out with it, and when she was trying to get me to tell her, it’s like she already knew. Just by the way she was talking, I could tell. I don’t know; it’s weird. Anyway, she got me to talk with her for about 5 hours about the whole situation. I told her that I didn’t want to pressure her or anything because she had a boyfriend and I respected that. She then said, “dont worry about my situation… I really want to talk,” and she would email me a lot too and ask me to meet her so we could ‘talk more’. If she never liked me at all, she could have ended it. I don’t know why she proceeded.

She wanted to work with me at my job, so I got her in. Weird things started happening to us. We were in the same art class, because she wanted to be with me in at least one class. Then, another girl that likes me took the class. We were all at the same table. Every time the other girl would look at me, the girl I like would be like, don’t look at her, dont talk to her. Not only that, but this other girl named Diane would come by right before the class starts (this is when me and the girl I like stopped talking). Diane would always be like ohhh my husband and just flirt. The girl would get up and call the girl a bitch and slut and slam the door. I was shocked. Why would she care if another girl would flirt with me?

I AM NEVER GOING TO FORGET THIS: She told me that it was better for her boyfriend to find out that I liked her from us, rather than someone else. So, I thought she would tell him anyway, so I told her that she could tell him. She did, but then me and him got into an argument online like a week later. I felt so bad because he said he was going to leave her because of me. I called her right away and told her everything that happened. Because I felt so guilty, she told me that “if anything ever happened to you I would kill myself.” That kind of made me think.

In front of him, online, she would tell me she wants the emails to stop, the phone to stop ringing, etc. I told her to tell me to my face that she wanted nothing to do with me. She said no, in front of him. The next day at work, she was smiling and everything. When I look into her eyes, something about them smile, but she has a straight face. It’s hard to explain. She told me if it meant losing him, she didn’t want to talk to me.

The hardest part about all this is that she told me that I would never lose her, and that “my emotions and feelings are everywhere.” She didn’t tell me if she likes me or not. Every time I approach her, or “run” after her, it’s like she wants to talk, but won’t show it. I see this sparkle in her eye and it’s such a warm feeling.

At work and school, this year, she ALWAYS stared at me when she thought I didn’t pay attention. People would tell me, and sometimes I would notice it. I don’t understand. Even at work one time, this lady came up to me and was like… she was looking at you as if she wanted to know what you were thinking. I’m confused.

Even at school, she was SOOO FOCUSED. I thought that was weird as hell, because she would sit in her own corner and study in the cafateria. That wasn’t like her at all. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t want to lose her, period.

Anyway, at work, I wrote her an email, telling her to stay out of my life, because of something stupid she did at work. The NEXT DAY, I found out she booked a month off work because of school, supposedly. After that month passed, they never heard from her again. I was TORN INTO PIECES. I didn’t want her to leave. A guy told me that she was acting very weird the last few weeks she was there.

I just recently found out that her boyfriend NEVER liked me in high school, because he was jealous of me. WHY?!?!!? WHY ME?!?! Not only that, but I found out they broke up, yet her best friend always tells me she loves him and that shes with him and everything. I don’t get what they’re trying to do.

There’s a lot more to this. I’m very confused and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose her, and I want her in my life, long-term. PLEASE HELP ME OUT EVERYONE!!!