Overcoming racism

OK I have something to admit. It’s not a very easy thing to admit in today’s society, but I’m sad to say it’s true. I am a racist. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a KKK member or a skinhead…nothing whacko like that. I’m just a normal, everyday guy, but I have some serious issues with people of another racial group. You could say I am prejudiced…but I want to emphasize that my attitudes are based on experiences I’ve had in my lifetime. I won’t go into too much detail, but let’s just say that I’ve been wronged by some people who are from a different ethnic group, and I’ve made the mistake of allowing myself to think all those people are like that.

Now I want to unlearn this racism because I know it’s not healthy. But it’s like I have this tape playing in my head, telling me what to think about this other racial group. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to overcome prejudice? Hateful feelings are so powerful, it’s hard to just ignore them. Please help me.

Answer #1

excuse me. im a sixteen yr old mixed girl and last year i was beaten up and raped by a white guy. do i hate white people because of this? no! maybe u need to stop blaming others and take a look at your own issues. try counselling. it helped me.

Answer #2

I remember being about 14, my Grandma being 80 years old, was very racist… I had a friend, Named Holden… He was one of my best friends, I didn’t worry about the color of his skin. It did not matter to me, and it really did not make any sense as to why my Grandmother, would be so wrong & ignorant. I realize, she grew up in a different time… But the fact is, although as per the old was, and all that has been done, accomplished, and all that is to be from the past one. It is still here! Racism, and its not just African Americans, Its also Mexican, Spanish, Oriental, and Believe it or not… There are still slaves in other countries… Many people don’t know this, but Until 1894, there were still Irish slaves, I mean who ever hears about that? It is all around this world, still even today… Its not just enslavements, it is a way of thinking, that should no longer be tolerated, ESPECIALLY in the land of the free, home of the brave, we’re the United States of America! We’re suppose to be so well to do, so free, and so good… But pushing the issue under the rug, is the majority of this society we live in. Which is not to say, that Society as a whole is not aware nor actively against what is going on, but you here less about one than the other… I find that kind of odd…

Now, I do not believe this is an issue that can be complete solved in my own life time, but it is my hope that our future children will, because it has gone on far enough.

As far as Mjax111: I am happy to see you realize and have become aware of your minds set, and do choose to change it. Because in all reality, Racism starts out with a mindset, the actions there of to breed negative violence and conflict. Understanding why, and working towards changing the minds eyes, are the first steps. One less, equals one more…. Thus, the more we fight for the good of our fellow beings, the better we can start to heal.

Answer #3

First of all like lovemaker7 im salvadorean. But I do not share the same views that she does. You see, already you’re seeing differences between two people with the same ethnicity that even have a common country background. you dont have to see a psychologist( Why the hell did lovemaker say that). Obviously you know this. This however is a journey only you can decide the outcome. And we the ones that are posting are guides, we cannot tell you what to do but rather suggest a course of action Now to help you on this quest.(wow I should probably stop making this into the Lord of the rings.) First, you need to start seeing the flaws in everyone. white, black, indian, asian, hispanic whatever. Here’s the catch, you cant add race as a flaw( and by flaw I mean a flaw in character) when you can’t find one ,deem the person as a person. If you find a flaw make sure you identify them by that flaw. If you start seeing race in the flaws just think of historical figures saying no no.EX: Lincoln, matin luther king, John Brown( if you dont know who this is look him up)

after you’ve identified the people with flaws make nice nice with the ones who dont have any. or at least smile and say hi to them. a smile spreads dude. and you’ll see that the world isnt filled with crappy people, who cheat, lie, rape, murder, or rob. That there is also people in the world who exist with the crappy people that are also nice and decent people.

If you want to above and beyond date a black chick( though that may be a bit extreme at the moment)

I hope I helped PS. examples of people that dont consider race as an issue or that dont really care about race can be seen in a question I posted (What race would the anti-christ least likely to be) I actually posted it to prove my friends that it really doent matter. I’m so proud of the people that posted.

Answer #4

You are really brave to admit what you did, and I think it’s great that you realize that and you want to change. I think reading, among other things, can help. Try reading “Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?” for starters. I don’t know if it will help you deal with the bad things that happened to you personally or not, but it can’t hurt. Also, you probably already have thought this, but if you haven’t, think about ways that white people have hurt you. It’s likely that several white people have done bad things to you and your friends, but you probably don’t have a negative view of whites because of it, b/c you’re white and you realize that not all whites are like that. Try to apply that principle to people of other races.

I think about racial issues a lot, for whatever reason. In some ways, it’s really good, b/c it makes me more aware and sensitive of how other people feel. (I’m white, and I live in a city with lots of people who aren’t white, so I interact w/ people outside my race all the time. I don’t know if I’d think about things differently if I lived in an all-white community.) Sometimes, though, I wish I could just forget about racism, but then I remind myself that people who aren’t white can’t really forget about racism- it’s a part of their lives, and I’m part of a society with racism, so I shouldn’t ignore it either. Thinking and caring about racism, whether it’s your own or just what happens in society, is much better than just ignoring it and hoping it goes away. Even though you are having trouble with your own racist thoughts, I think you’re going to be okay, b/c you care and you want to do what’s right. Good luck!

Answer #5

If You Think about it, its kinda natural to look at people that dont look like what you’re use to seeing differently..

If me and you were to go to a village some where in south america and see so many differences, we’ed despite the fact that you’re racist would stick togethor..

We can communicate and we might live the same way.

People tend to go with they’re most comfortable with!

its not a secret.

If you walked in a cafeteria and didnt know anyone.. all of the seats were filled but two… one seat was by a group of black people and the other was by what ever ethnic group that you’re in..

You would most likely sit by your group.. not because you are racist…But its natural..

Because im not racist, one of my best friends are white.

But I’d sit on the side with my group.

Everybody isnt the same, but people feel if you’re not like them then they should look down on you.. Why?

People Need : something to look up to or forward to. They need something motivate them or something to prove. And they need something to Look down on.

Its just Natural Im not a scientist or no sh** like that. Just a Young Man with Common Sense. a lot Of It!

But you cant blame a whole group for one ignorant person. Its like a football team with one person talking while the coach is talking.

Answer #6

Well, I’m black and white and my initial reaction after hearing this was to get mad, but then I realized that hey, at least buddy is willing to admit his prejudice and wants to stop it. And let’s face it, whether it’s a conscious thing or not, we all put stereo-types on people based on race, appearance, religion, demeanor etc etc. It’s not right, but we do. The best thing to do is to surround yourself with people of all different races to give you a new perspective and help you realize that race doesn’t define a person and just because someone from a certain race is crude, it doesn’t mean they all are. I hate to see people blinded by prejudice when it doesn’t have to be like this, we need to put a stop, all of us. Think about it, if your skin was brown, would you be any different on the inside? Wouldn’t you feel hurt when people assumed you were going to be a certain way because of your brown skin? You need to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Anyway, the best of luck for overcoming this, peace.

Answer #7

Well, my Dad is Mexican and my mom is White. so growing up with two backgrounds was hard for me. Kids always teases me about my dad, plus mexicans were making fun of my mom. It was definitely hard. At least you are willing to admit it. Not all different colored ppl are “evil” so to speak. I’m dating a Mexican just like my mom did when she met my dad. And he is the sweetest man i have ever met. not all ppl are like that. there are bad and good in this world, all you have to do is let it go. its hard yes, but not all ppl are like that. please make some friends of different color. they wil change you i promise.

Answer #8

being a 16 year old 6’3” hispanic person I do get kind of annoyed by the.nervous looks i get from people sometimes in the store just on the street. But I realize that they dont know anything about me so all they have to go by is the clothes that I’m wearing, the color of my skin, my posture and body language. i’ll be the first to say that her in Las Cruces most of the people my age in my race are from poor spanish speaking families, illegal immigrants, or high school dropouts. The graduation rate for hispanics in my state is 14%, But I’m nothing like that. My parents are middle class, I’m going to be a senior this year and go to college at NMSU after that, I dont know more thn a few words of spanish and dont have an accent (I’d like to learn someday tho) I’m a varcity football player and I dont really even think about my race until I stop to think about it. It’s good that you have decided to be proactive and try to correct this, that shows a lot of character. I would advise you to go with family coaches advice..just dont think “a black guy did that.” Instead think “Some jerk did that.” Dont associate it with race.

Answer #9

No way do I think I’m overly self-righteous- but one thing you said bothered me. You said that race does matter, and some people can’t look past it. The reason WHY race matters in a negative way is BECAUSE of people not looking past it, there is no rational reason why the race of a person should affect who they are as a human being. Granted, your race may play a part in who you were, but it is insignificant when you think about it in the grand scheme of what else makes us, us. I do understand, however, what you are going through, although it is in a different way. My parents used to hit me when I was younger, and I developed a fear and a common dislike for most adults because of it. I knew that not all adults were as cruel or judgemental as my parents were towards me, but it was hard to get past the judgement I had made because of what I went through. Nonetheless, I did overcome it- and I had to deliberately tell myself that there were honest, kind adults out there who had helped me and been good to me. You need to try to step out of your comfort zone in order to get past the judgements you’ve made- don’t hesitate to talk to and be friends with others of different races and try to learn from others in that way. I wasn’t able to get past my judgement until I had some good examples of really great adults to prove me wrong, you may need something like that. Good luck, and sorry this is so long!

Answer #10

ok sorry to sat honey but you have a real problem race in fact does not matter for your information and please excuse me if at any moment this sounds rude but you so mistaken by ur theoryyou only put out how blackpeople this and that how they have done this to you and stuff but have you ever sat down and thing that like 200 years ago the were treats so bad they were ur slaves you white people have done so many things to all races but you never hear us complaning so get over it because this world come in all shapes and sizes and colors so you might as well get use to it im only 15 and i understand and ur prolly in ur late 20s and dont have a clue,also no offence but white people are always trying to make other razes inferior how they are better but unfortunatly ur wrong any raze can be successful but anyways think about hun and start realizing that not only black to evil things also white and mexucan and hispanic, there is everything in this world,you need to see a psychologist hun because really no one can help you with this and if you really do want help you need to know that to be helped you need to want to be helped and abviosly you dont want to cause you keep seeing the negative side of it

Answer #11

If you’re judging people of different races because a few, (even if you said, like 20) people from another race were crude or mean or awful towards you, isn’t it logical to say that they could do the same right back to white people? How many people that are white have done terrible things to people not only of other races but also to eachother! The point is that it doesn’t matter what race you are because no race is better than the other, each one has its group of people who will act in a way that isn’t acceptable- but if you’re going to generalize for the whole race like that, then you’d also need to generalize for everyone else. There are no exceptions, we are either all evil, or all good-hearted in general, because we’re all equal. Your problem lies with the fact that you’re shutting out all of the negatives of the white race, and all the positives of other races, which isn’t fair or rational. Try to think about (if you have to, search for) positive things about another race, they aren’t hard to find. The white culture is no longer simply white, in the United States and around the world we are all widely dispersed and integrated. Just not enough that racism no longer exists, but you can fight it. Keep an open mind, and don’t forget that it means nothing what race you are, we are all capable of using the good heart we have.

Answer #12

Wow, lovemaker7. I’m appalled at what you wrote the second time. How can you tell someone not to make stereotypes, when you yourself said “white people are always trying to make other razes inferior.” I am white, and never have I thought I was superior in any way, I don’t think it makes me a better or worse person than anyone else. Putting other ethnicities down is not something that is unique to the white race, we’ve all done it in different ways. You seemed to assume that mjax111 didn’t want to be helped because he sought the negative side, but he came to this site and asked for help didn’t he? And, to suggest that someone needs to see a psychologist without knowing them (or being a psychologist yourself) and for having a problem with generalizing, which you did yourself, seems a little wrong to me.

Answer #13

Your encounter with that particualr race of people may be a coincidence, it could have been any other race such as the on which you are a part of. would be racist to them then? no…then why should you be racist to another group only becuase of their colour?..thats wrong…nothing should be stereo typed..you just need to expose yourself to more black and asians people, and when you see that are good and bad people in races then you will understand..Also I wanted to ask you,

Have you ever been racist to Asian people, like people my colour? (not chinese and that)

hope I helped a lil

Answer #14

maybe a someone did something to you that is bad that was from a black asian or hispaic ethic baskround but that doe mean all of us are bad i’m black my bes friend is white i like white guys

Answer #15

lovemaker7: clearly you are not the kind of person to be giving advice on this topc. In fact it sounds like you have similar issues to mine.

liluxo: your reply did get me thinking. it will be a struggle for me, but i’m trying to unlearn what makes me think the way i have been, and you’re right, i do need to expose myself to more black people and try to get outside my comfort zone. i realize many black people have the same kind of distrust toward white people, and while i used to have no sympathy for that, i do need to be willing to listen. thanks for your words, it will take time.

Answer #16

be a man and stop listeing to your mind, and start telling it what to think. You know its somewhat of a personal flaw, being racist. So instead of flipping that mexican guy off for cutting you off on the freeway, do nothing. Instead of thinking the racist thoughts you do when you encounter these people, think the exact opposite. You know what I mean?

Answer #17

Dear Mjax, The fact that you are excepting your feelings, and trying to change your attitude is a HUGE step in changing this hateful attitude toward different races. You are not in denial, so this should be pretty easy for you, and you are right when you say it’s unhealthy etc… What to do?? First simply stay away from these people that (wronged) you. When you feel wronged, just move on….don’t let yourself to mentally dwell on this. From now on when you (mentally) notice yourself going down that “thought” path….catch yourself and tell yourself
“next thought” . You are in control of this. What is happening, is you are judging these individuals on how they treated you, and if you think about it they are controlling your thought, and controlling your inner emotions. When you get these thoughts, you probably get tense, angry, hatefull, etc…(just like you explained in your question). But think about it….By embracing all of these negative thoughts (because of these people that hurt you) They are controlling your inside. Which is a horrible way to go through life. Try the “next thought” exercise (and really do it) Think about your next thought. It really does work. Look at all races as (one form) of human beings. When you first start your “next thought” exercise you may be saying it every 5 minutes..thats OK you are contolling your own thought and the times between the “negative thought”will increase. Think of it like this…. If you walk up to a cliff that has a drop off of 2000 feet straight down..you will have alot of caution and will not allow yourself to get to close to the edge. Our thought process is the same, but for some reason alot of us choose to ignore it..We choose to allow ourselves to consistantly “jump” off that “mental cliff”, creating all kinds of inner turmoil and hurt for ourselves….the only difference is it is a non-physical experience..of course it can eventually lead to physical damage but not the noticeable,(in front of our face) physical damage that the “cliff” example portrays….However it is all the same. AND you know that the race of the people that wronged you is not a bad and evil race….They may be bad people but the “race” is fine. If you did not feel this on the “undercurrent” of your inner self you never would have wrote the question. You are very smart and you listen to your inner mechanism that tells you something is not right. Remember to simply do the “next thought” exercise….I think this will help. Familycoach

Answer #18

Hey there, first of man, props to you for standing up and tryng to right what you are seeing as a wrong, most people would roll over and just simmer in their preconcived notions and only let the problem become more exaggerated. I dont know if anybody is really reading this post anymore but i sure hope they are because this is a problem that is plauging society. I personally grew up in a predominantly white upper middle class neighborhood and did not really know any people from many other races. When I was old enough I joined the Army and got the biggest case of culture shock that just about anybody could have. I would like to highlight the case that you made where you think you need to “get out of your comfort zone”. I think this would be best for you, to see the other side of the story is an enlightening expirience. My standpoint from my life expiriences now is that there are extremeists in every race and unfortunately these individuals showcase the “stereotypes” for all races. Just as you may through your pain and troubles that you have had to endure, which by the way only akes you an even bigger man to be able to step up from that and try to change. Butas I was saying just as you may see some of these stereotypes of the criminal gangster black man, another black individual will look at you as a eliteist white person who thinks he is better than everybody else and know where hes come from. Neither side is right to me. There is only one answer to the problem of racism in the USA and that is for everybody to put away their prejudices and the past and MOVE ON. I know the things that happened in the past to people of other ethnic groups were attrocious, there is no excuse for this inhumane treatment. My feeling on the other had is that while this has happened, we mst move on, we must learn to live togather and while we remember those times we need to also remember that people today did not necessarily cause those problems. I was born in 1985, I have personally never participated in slavery or segregation or any of the other atrocities of the past, nor do I condone them, so I do not feel I can be held responsible. I feel for those who have gone through it, I understand that racist action continue to this day, but we must put it all behind us and see each other for what we are, celebrate our differences, and learn to live togather and embrace each other as individuals.

Answer #19

Racism is from Satan the Devil. It’s not about skin color, it’s about the type of relationship you want to have with God. Remember, Jesus is a Jew and there isn’t another name by which we can gain everlasting life. He’s not white and God has no color and yet, we are all made in His image.

So, when we have bad feelings towards another ethnic group of people; hence, we are all part of the human race, which is only one race, those bad feelings are because of “sin and imperfection”. It’s like a mold on a piece of bread, it’s not good for you, but it spreads like crazy.

This “sin” entered the world through Adam and Eve, the parents of the entire human race and we inherited sin (hate, racism, lying, homosexuality, murder, bad thoughts, child molestation, profanity, stealing and all the other hurtful things you can imagine) from them when they turned against God and sided with Satan.

As punishment, God allowed all of mankind to suffer, just to show them that things would not work out when humans turned against Him. As you can see from your own comments, the sin has affected everyone for the bad in one way or another.

So, Jesus came to earth to release us from “sin”, that is, if we accept his views and trust in him to cure us from all badness. And to do this, we must be willing to learn who Jesus was, why he came to earth, and how we can make permanant changes with the help of God’s holy spirit, which gives us the power to overcome the effects of all types of sin.

This is the only real way to defeat those bad feelings we have towards other ethnic groups. They are our human brothers and sisters and we owe it to God, the one who overlooks our imperfections and forgives us, that is, if we use Jesus methods to overcome sin rather than our own methods which are bound to fail.

One group in particular, who have overcome racism on an international level are Jehovah’s Witnesses. They are the only organization I know of who have love for people of all races. They are truly an international brotherhood who practice love and unity world-wide.

Racism does not exists among them nowhere in the world. They have love for one another. Jesus himself said: “I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves.”—John 13:34, 35.

So, to be clean in God’s eyes, you must love those who God loves and hates things that God hates. Otherwise, you forfiet your everlasting life in paradise once this world is destroyed.

Just something to think about. Sure hope this helps.

Answer #20

well first you need to realize thats its not just other races that screwed you over your same race can do that but thats just because they’re jerks. my whole family is just like you except they don’t want to overcome it and they hate me because ALL of my friends are different races and i don’t care. just practice seeing people as yourself. they are just like you just a different skin colour. NO OFFENCE but racism is like hating people just cuz they have a diff hair colour. its not right. but can be righted. someone of a different background doesn’t hurt you but gives you a variety of a new culture and more friends which from my experience and the most important thing you can have. you can never have to many friends.

Answer #21

sorry 2 say i cant help you with this all becoming bigger fact in our every day lives. im white and i have a few gud black and indian and coulerd and white friends but when i speak 2 my black friends they say that they hate other black ppl and then they call them kaffers and then they say ( im not a raicist but i hate kaffers ) and we all go ha ha ha but their isnt much you can do about it 4rm were im 4rm

Answer #22

Everyone has a little racism in them. Including me. I have silent battles with myself everyday. I can’t contredict myself, for you see I am an anti racist but at the same time I often find myself calling a japanese person a “chinc” or calling a mexican a “beaner” All of these things are incredably wrong of me. I am now taking control of my feelings one by one and reminding myself daily that one entire nationality shouldn’t be judged by any experience or perspective. As should you.

Answer #23

“I’m just a normal, everyday guy” I don’t think the normal everyday type of guy is a racist but since you aren’t going into any detail let’s just say a simple way you can over come your prejiduce-ness or racist-ness I’m not really sure of what you are but it’s all plain and simple it goes like this.. If you meet someone of a different race that you hate, dislike, or don’t care for, you don’t have to disrespect their race, just disrespect that person (everyone has issues with other people at some point).

Answer #24

im here to help you just try hanging out with different people then you and learn to like people because of who they are not what color they are

Answer #25

What you are talking about isn’t nesesarily racism- your a bigot, theres a difference. Racism is the act of beleiving one race is superior to another and that the lower race can be used and treated accordingly (and for whatever gains) by the superior race. Bigots on the other hand don’t necesarily beleive there race is superior they just have a resentment or hatred towards a group of people because of real or perceived wrongs by this group of people who all tend to be of a certain race or nationality I won’t lie. it’s hard to overcome ( just ask an african American or an irish man in ireland) but at the same time its easier than you think.

Answer #26

I am a Native American. People used to make fun of me about it. I go to a school with mostly white people. But I don’t hate white people. They have wronged me yes, but I don’t try to remember the past, you max need to get over these feelings. It might be helpful if you talk to a black person. Understand them. They were wronged too in their cutlure, sometimes they feel the same way. My mom can be rascist too, but that is only when something isn’t going right. Anyways, I hoped this helped you!

Answer #27

Is this about Lovemaker7 or overcoming racism? I’m confused! She’s right but I don’t think you need a phychologist! You need to go somewhere that there are a lot of people of another race! Like LA, or Mexico, or China, you know? The thing is, if you can get past your fears of the past, you are the bigger person!

Answer #28

I would try becoming friends with of other ethnicities, so you can understand them better!

When I started going to a prodominatly white school, I was not prejudice but I was afraid, since I hadn’t had that many white people at school. I hated my school for about 2-3 years, even though I had made plently of white friends. It just took me a really long time to adjust to how different it was from my old school.

You should never base a few experiences with another race, and blame it onn that whole race of people. No one is the same! Everyone is different. Now if everyone judged a whole race of people from a few bad experiences, then everyone would proabaly hate everyone!

Hope this helped. I hope you overcome your problem soon. tootlez~kiki

Answer #29

lovemaker7, you need to learn how to use punctuation appropriately, and stop calling the poor guy “hun.” Props to mjax for admitting the problem and dealing with it. When you accually find friends of diverse groups, it can be lots of fun, because you get to learn about different cultures, and learn from all of them. You just have to hang out with decent people in general. Color has nothing to do with a person’s bad behavior. It was merely an unfortunate coencidence. Cheers.

Answer #30

mjaxx it was a metaphor I wasnt speaking literally which is why I asked do you understand at the end…obviously you dont get it and thats your problem to start with…you just dont get it

Answer #31

get an asian girlfriend

Answer #32

My advice also is to AVOID typical sterotypes. I mean lets face it, you’re probably not going to find a whole lot of stellar people, of any race, if you’re having out on the street in town known for hookers and drugs and drive bys. Look for good decent people of all races, churches for example, not to say all church going people are good anymore then those you don’t go are evil, but it’s a pretty safe place to start. Churches, work, professional areas not the local Mcdonalds.

You can overcome anything you CHOOSE to. Look for the good in people and realize that the things that have been done to you were done by a person, not a person who was black or white or Hispanic or Asian, but by a specific person. Ok maybe several people of the same race have wronged you, it was still THEm, not their race.

Answer #33

note: On the dating a black chick the reason I say that and not another person of a different race is because you seem to have a problem with that particular race. but as I said before that maybe an extreme measure for you at the moment)

Answer #34

God said we are all equal, so stop being like that. Ok dude?

Answer #35

The comunity has enough racists, but at least ur trying to stop it. try making some friends of different ethnicitys.

Answer #36

Try getting a black friend. I have tons of them: Alex,Taylor, Imani, Aliya, Sydney… And I’m white. I’m pretty sure without them, I’d be racist, too!

Answer #37


I’m afraid I don’t understand a single thing you said. If you can’t help me with this, why did you respond? And my concerns and issues have nothing to do with sitting around telling racial jokes.

Answer #38


Your post has nothing to do with anything. I have not flipped any Mexican guys off for cutting me off on the freeway. My issues are a little deeper than that. Please don’t clutter up the board with useless nonsense. Thank you.

Answer #39

Just because stereo-types bother me so very much, I’m adding you as my friend, so I can prove to you that just because some people of a certain race take on certain characteristics, doesn’t mean we all do. I’m mixed, but I’m far from your stereo-typical black girl. I’m shy, quiet, I like reading and I have goals in life.

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