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Obnoxious friend drama
My friend has been dating this guy for a little over a year. She’ll always text me, crying, saying what a jerk he is, and she’ll tell me everything he did and said. He talks to other girls all the time, and ask them what’s wrong if they’re upset… but he won’t bother to ask his own girlfriend. He’ll call her a b*tch as she’s crying and he’s a really bad boyfriend. They’ve broken up once or twice, always because it’s his fault, and then he’ll go crawling back to her saying he’s sorry and he’s gonna change… and he’ll be different for a week before going back to the way he was before. Of course, then I hear about the same crap from my friend. She’ll complain about him in the mornings, and an hour later, she’ll be making out with him in the halls. It’s just a never-ending cycle.
I tell her that he’s not gonna change if he hasn’t already, and things are going to stay the same unless she does something about it. I tell her that she deserves better… and I help her out whenever she needs advice. But I’m getting really sick of hearing the SAME CRAP every day, because it’s really old now, and it’s starting to annoy the heck out of me, since she doesn’t do anything about it.
What do I do? How can I either get her to stop talking about it or actually do something that’ll change things?
The thing is that although you are tired of hearing about it, every time he does something, it is fresh pain to her.
Now you can set up boundaries. I.e. ‘I feel awful when I hear what he did to you, and it upsets me that no matter what he does you still go back to him. It hurts me and I really would rather not hear about it.’ But that will leave her feeling abandoned.
As for doing something that will change things. You telling her that she needs to change things, and that she deserves better is not going to help. She needs to say those things and believe those things. And again you pointing out what he has done in the past is also not going to help. She needs to point it out herself. Can you get her to a counselor?
Talk to her calmly and tell things that’ll make her smile at least
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