What do I do about my MEAN Mom?

i understand what your saying. but i will have to disagree about the spoiling part. puttin a child through college is what a parent does. its not a luxury. Most parents who can afford to put there child through school, do it. and the car isnt even mine, i use it to get to school cuz she thinks if i spend money for the bus or train every day its a waste of money, and i will save money this way. i have never received anything from my mother except criticism. my brother and sister get all the praise because they are in med school. she just hates me because im not intelligent as them, and because i couldnt make it in pharmacy school. i agree i wasted there money because i couldnt go through it, but my father doesnt remind me every day like my mom does. and for ur information- i will pay her back. maybe not the total cost, but atleast half of it. it will take some time but i wil. and being married doesnt necessarily mean i will be rich, but with combined money, we can pay off loans, such as the loan my parents took out for my pharmacy school. its a big help. Im not letting my mom stop my “dreams” of PT school, i was just upset at how she blames me every day for any mistake in her life. if my brother does something wrong, its my fault- if i ask why, she says i “spoil him” by driving him to his friends house. im not his mother. im his sister. so i dont know what shes talkin about, shes the one that lets him do whatever he wants cuz hes smart..

You’re in a tight spot there, sweetie. I feel for your situation. Unfortunately, you are at that sucky point in life where either choice you make is a difficult one. Life will present many of these to you. But let’s tackle this one first.

On some parts I can understand your mom’s frustration with you, and certainly some of the things you said outline her as inappropriate and abusive. Let’s get down to brass tacks here. Any parent would be a bit angry if they paid $70.000 for their child to go to school and drop out. That’s a lot of lettuce. She’s got a right to her anger there. I understand there was some previously nutty behavior from her, but you do need to take some accountability for kind of screwing her on that one. An apology, doing extra around the house, basically doing some ass kissing is in order over that one. BUT, unless there was a prior agreement that you would pay her back, then forget about this whole paying her back “and then she’ll be sorry” thing. That’s your impulsive pride talking there–and you don’t want to bite off more than you can chew. You don’t want to be in into her for $70,000 financially if you don’t have to be. Yes, it would be great if you could pay her back. But the odds of that happening anytime soon when you can’t currently afford to even feed yourself are scant at best. And harsh news for you: getting married doesn’t magically grant you the $70,000 you’ll need. So get out of the mindset of paying her pack, you will never pay her back.

So current dilemma: It sounds like she is paying your way through college (and life) now. In that case, you are entirely dependent on her for your every need. You have very little room to complain or argue in that case. This is the problem from going to child to adult. You are going to have to do whatever she wants as long as she pays your way. If she doesn’t like to drive–big deal driving her around. That’s a tiny, tiny price to pay for the cost of tuition and transportation freedom and having your living expenses paid. I only WISH that was all I had to do in order to get put through college and have a roof over my head!

My mom didn’t put me through college or give me a car–I had absolutely zero help from either parent. Some of the things you say—you sound a bit spoiled and unable to see how much your mom is actually helping you. Other things, yea–she’s harsh and quite irrational. So you’re going to have to learn to let the crazy parts roll off you and just hold your head up and get through college. Once you graduate and become a therapist, you can support yourself and be far far away from all her crap.

Is this problem worth cutting her out forever? I dont know–only you can judge that. My motto is that no one mentally unstable or potentially dangerous, or abusive and hurtful is allowed in my life. Mothers included. You’ll make that call when the time is right. And preferably, make the call before you have children to leave alone with her.

This is just a part of becoming an adult. If you let her “ruin any hopes and dreams” you have of becoming a PT, then that’s on YOUR shoulders because you are the one who “let” her do it. Be your own person, keep your nose clean, your head up, be strong and get through this time.

Your other option is to move out and put yourself through school on your own. And this last part I mean lovingly and in your best interest…learn to stop whining a bit a be more proactive.

babydoll143: your sense of entitlement is rather sickening. When you are 18 you are an adult and you are responsible for yourself. Lots of parents to pay their kid’s way through college; that doesn’t mean that this isn’t a generous or that this is something that is somehow owed to everyone. You should be very grateful for any help you are getting from mom as an adult.

Good luck with becoming a physical therapist. This is a good carreer and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

The other advisors are right, but if she just excpects you to pay her back, take it to court babydoll!

Firstly..about your mom getting out that loan..she was the one that wanted you to do the pharacy school thing anyway if you didnt want to do it then why should you be exspected to pay? she shouldnt be using that against you when shes the 1 that pushed you into it.

Also..your now actualy underweightyour mom shouldnt be calling you “fat” anyway its stupid..and no1 is “fat” anyway..fat is a thing within the body..a substance..someone can be overweight yeah..but trust me your not I bet your moms allowed to eat what she likes..so whats the difference with you? she’s using you..because its YOUR body and your life..and she;s taking advantage of it

I think its great that u wanna do vaulenteer work..and good on you for wanting to if your happy with your job right now then try and ignore the snide comments she makes..like literally..dont answer..

i’m not going to say try talking to your mom but if u have a friend to stay with for a lil while then that would be great just try and get out of the house for a bit..a couple of weeks maybe because from what uve said it looks like your mom NEEDS you..and altho she says mean stuf to you sumtyms she doesnt actualy mean them..she’s just saying them to put you down cos she knows she can get away with it. but if u show her that she cant get away with it no more..and ur not there to take stuff off her any longer..she’ll realise that she relies on you and needs u back..

when she wants you back..thats when u shud lay down a few things./.make her realise she’s been taking your life away frm you..and that ur gonna live it how u want to.

i hope ive helped in some slight way atleast Good luck with your mom n stuff Kristina x

My advice to you is to listen to only 3 people that have given you advice… Don’t include yourself “baby” doll. You’re definitely a spoiled child who wasn’t raised to be very responsible, grateful, or accountable. Your mom should probably let you leave home sp you could learn how the real world really is. I guarantee you wouldn’t make it! Please understand that!! Deal with your “dropout” issues and SINCERELY apologize and recognize who’s giving you the opportunity to better yourself… by the way, the money issue is absurd. Your mom doesn’t want the money back she wants her daughter’s love and respect back… that’s all. Since this is 2 years removed you prob have graduated and experience the real world… Good luck!!!

well me makayla I just yell at her and I get grounded so don’t do what I did do what you feel like…um…or…just…do what I did if you can’t figure out what else to do.

your mom probably is very insecure and is taking it out on you. She, like these other people, takes advantage of you and takes you for granted. Just be strong, and hold your head up high!:P I hope this helped. Oh! and also, I think that being a pharmacist is a very good career. Peace Out! Dont let anyone shatter your dreams!

just drive away 2 toronto and leave her! If she cares she will say like “no I am sorry” if she doesnt say that he doesnt care :P eazy peazy! Let her be mean with out u :D Hope I helped (probably didnt)