my life, myhealth, my mood swings, my deppression

hey there, this started in the summer of 8th grade, I started going out with someone I really loved him I was crazy about him I gave up everything just for him, problems started to happen, I lost him he broke up with me, after those words those promises this dreams after all I felt so numb that I couldn’t beleiev it 8 months of dating, he wasn’t there anymore I suddenly felt that I my day was close up, my friend said move on your a dumb a$$ for still crying for him and so I asked a guy out and we started going out after 3 months of what he thought love( I still loved my first one) my principle caught me with him in his car we weren’t doing anything we were just talking, he went and told my parents, they took me home lectured me and said they are all players, I lost their trust both of themand all my sisters, I couldn’t take it anymore so I started to pop pills I drank so much to the point where I almost went down and so I stopped, than at school I started to fail clases and so I did all because of my deppression I got so deppressed I started cutting my self after a couple weeks of cutting I stopped because it did not do anything, after cutting I started getting abused by my parents it got me more deppressed that I couldn’t enjoy just one part of my life, so everyday I’d cry and cry and cry,I stopped going out I stayed 1 yr and half without fun, nobody trusted me I lost all my intrests I wanted to die I tried killing myself but ikeep insisting to wait and c if my 1st boyfriend will come backto me and if I get back my life, now that 10th grade has started I have a new boyfriend I like him but I love the 1st one, and I talk to him a lot on da phone I don’t know how be realy looks because he won’t send me a pic of him because he says he’s to busy with work, 2 days ago I had a fist fight in school with this girl I got suspended my boyfriend got mad but he got over it, and just yesterday I told him Im not gonna call him till I c his pic in my email and now I’m waiting I was gonna call him today and take back what I sid but I said I won’t let him use me that way, I wonder if me doing that to him was goo??!?!?!? and just in school today one if my friends told me that my 1st boyfriend still loves me which made me smile for the first time in 2 years now I’m stuck I don’t know who to choose this guy I’m with now is sweet cute nice and cool, and the guy I loved and still do is so cute web sweeter nicer more educated, should I wait 4 him? I don’t know should I say with this guy?? I don’t know. my life gets worse and worse I’m deppressed my apitite is not the same anymore, my problems get worse I’m worried about my health, I can’t take a theripist because my parents don’t know what’s going on wit me because they don’t care I can’t tell them b/c If I do, it’s just not that way my parents are they don’t believe in that kinda help. I’m so deppressed I’m failing school I got insomnia I don’t sleep the most I sleep is 4 hours a day for 2 yes straight under my eyes are black people say I got skinny and I changed people tell me your so deppressed, I want tell my friends because they are only gonna make fun of me. what should I do? I need help??? so fast??? I’m only 15 I wanna enjoy it please help me. what should I do?? thx)