My husband is a liar!

Hello!

I think I’m the first guy writing something here…

My wife sent a link to this conversation. And I must say: I´m in shock! I was reading all the posts and it seemed I was reading about my life. It seems we all caught some kind of a “lying” virus. It’s sad but It’s almost impossible to avoid it. Usually lies have to do with work, house keeping, and lots of stuff. None of these lies have to do with other girls and I already told her about this lots of times. I really understand that after a while accepting my lies its almost impossible to know what is true and what is a lie. We are married since october 2006, and she already gave me lots of “Last chances” but somehow there’s always something that makes me lie. Besides working I´m still studing and a huge part of my lies have to do with this. Even before we get married I lied to her saying that I would finish my “studing problems” in that year. That didn’t happen and she found out only when there was no chance to change things. After that almost every year there’s a new episode about it and I continue lying about it. The problem is always the same: I only do things I like to do, and other things are always late and sometimes I avoid doing them… All this ends with a lie. As I told before it seems I’m just a copy of your husbands and boyfriends and it’s really sad to realize that. Yesterday she found another lie and it was the last… At night I arrived home from work and she prepared the divorce. I really don’t want to accept this cause I really love her. But after all this it’s really hard to find something to say to solve this situation. We tried to talk but as usual she talks I listen and in the end I keep saying that I don´t know what to say, I can´t think about it, I´m tired, and we will talk later about it… (Maybe you all know this excuses)

Sometimes I prefer no to think about it cause I really love him. She is so good to me, specially thinking about what she’s going trough during our wedding, I feel she loves me too and she tried to help me so many times and I just didnt want to hear her… It´s hard to accept there is a problem…

Today once more she tried to talk with me and I couldn´t say nothing…

As I said previously I feel that she love’s me and she’s my friend and I have failed in so many points. I don´t respect her, and I don´t care about her when I´m lying to her.

Two days ago she started to cry after watching a movie on tv: “PS: I love you” And I realized she really loves me, but two days after this I feel like I screwed everything again… I’m afraid I can´t repair it at this point. The only way I feel I can do it its with her help. But maybe she doesn’t want to.She married a man not a kid that needs to be teached to live. I feel like a weight in her live and that’s why I think she won’t accept continue living like this. I just think she deserves better. But I would love to make her happy.

Any idea/sugestion how to solve this? What should I do?

I just love her so much but with all this presure It’s impossible to show what I feel…

best regards.

First of all, I am sorry you are going through this and you have done nothing wrong. You husband has a problem. Bottom line is, he is not respecting you, you did not sign up for a marriage without integrity. Clearly he can not stop lying on his own. If he wont go get help, you need to decide if you can live with it (no) or leave. He has no integrity and there is no love without integrity. I just left my livin boyfriend of 2.5 years (we are 37 & 41) b/c I was sick of second guessing if he was lying or not. He was stealing my joy. It was not easy but it was the right thing to save myself. Good Luck!!!