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I have been divorced for 1 year now. I'm a single father of a two year old boy and my ex-wife has expressed to me on more than one occassion that she would like to get back together. When my ex wife became pregnant, her dad was very unsupportive. We struggled living with one another in an apartment where I worked and went to school full time. I was the sole provider for the both of us during her pregnancy. After my son was born, her dad did a complete 360 and fell in love with our son. In addition, my ex-wife moved in with her mother for help, while I decided to look for work and move in with my parent's. Week after week of traveling to her mother's house became old and exhausting. So, we decided to get married in hopes of finally becoming a family and living with one another. We got married and my parent's offered to build a room addition in their 5,000 sq foot home for us. The goal was to save money for a home. After we moved in, it became quite apparent that my wife was annoyed and did not feel comfortable living with my parents, so she left me and returned to her mother's. My job was a good hour from where my wife was located. We spent time with one another on the weekends and every Wed. After 6 months I finally bought us a house. Still living apart, I one evening went onto her email and typed in her password which was our son's name. I found many dating internet websites. I confronted her about this and she told me they were a joke. I found no joke in using our son's name as her userid for these various sites and claiming the fact that she was already divorced. I asked her to go to counseling and I wanted to work though this tough time we were experiencing, but she filed for divorce and tried to mentally and emotionally destroy me. She lied about so many things and became the most difficult person to work with. After we made arrangements for visitation, I saw that she had a boyfriend to whom she was with when she was 16 years old. Week after week I would have to see her boyfriend and it tore me apart in the inside. After she broke up with her boyfriend she became friendly and encouraged that we go out and eat as a family with my son. So I did, because ultimately I was still in love with her. She went back and forth on the subject of being with me. One night, in a telephone conversation, she told me that we were not going to be together and she was no longer in love with me. So I moved on and began dating an old love I had before I met my ex wife. Once my ex wife found out, she cried and told me that my girlfriend was the reason why we couldn't be together. Because of the stress she has caused on my relationship with my girlfriend, we have decided to end our relationship. I now find myself lonely and upset. My ex wife encourages that we spend time with one another as a family and she hugs me before I leave to go home. I need help and I want to just tell her that she has ultimately caused so much hurt in my life, but I'm also afraid of loosing her again. Any suggestions?
You are a codependant, bigtime. You are afraid of losing an unsupportive, selfish, flighty, cheating wife?
You have two options.
2 .Maintain the divorce and as much custody as you can and move on with your life.
Both options suck, don't they. But....this is what happens when we make babies with horrible people. Hopefully she is at least a decent mother to your son. If she for one second gives you any reason to believe that she isn't, go for full custody until you get it.
Oh, and it sort of astonishes me that all you seem to care about in this situation is your own lonliness. Poor kid.
sorry pal. but as the doctor would say, "it doesn't look good" you have that cancer that is "woman". you are in the same boat as many other men who have tried to love a woman. like me, all i ever wanted from my wife was her love and affection. while she would tell me she loved me there was never even the hint of affection and even less communication. one day a few weeks ago i was on my way home from work and she call's me and guess what her first words were? "we need to talk". now after 8 years of me begging her to talk to me or go to a counseller, after she sneaks out with my 2 beautiful son's while i'm at work she say's "we need to talk". you're not alone buddy, our only help in situation's like these is the Lord. I will begin to pray for you and all families. commitment is a word that doesn't mean anything anymore.
You forget that for that b/f from her's 16th may ragard YOU as an introducer into their relationship, even, you (and not he) have a kid with your ex wife. He may be the same upset with the situation as your as you are. As far as I understand your situation your wife loves you but on an independent girl's manner. As an advice I may tell that you 2 do reagard each other as very good friends, love your common son, support each other if needed, but the same time do give some freedom to each other. If possible try to meet that old b/f, but do not force this. If not, not. Of course, do not let your ex-wife interrupt any of your relationships, even with your old g/f. If she likes the feeling of the independecy you may like it as well. I hope you took some of my points.
No offense but don't be a yo yo. Your kid is learning to be a sucker for sociopaths. Even if your the one that got dumped for doing something silly...don't do it. You were good enough for her and you are good enough for others. Either way its a game and you aren't making the rules. I got married late in life and am convinced there are a lot of good looking twits out there that won't hesitate to sink your ship. Get crazy pasionate about something you love, great way to meet like minded ladys.
She's ruined your life enough, if you want give it a try again but I suggest a major break before you guys should try and get together. Visit your son as arranged but go and step outside the box, once your outside take a look at everything and then decide. Find happines on your own before trying to reastablish a relationship. You'll know when you're ready but now you don't sound ready at all.
Good luck Chrslacour
