My ex is confusing me

My recent ex broke up with me due to recent fights. they were just based on her and how she would get when she would drink which happens rarely but lately its a normal thing. The whole time we were together, things were perfect.

We got in an argument and let out a lot of problems and they were resolved, basically all misunderstandings, at the end of the night, things were perfect and we both felt we were stronger…the next day we apparently had some left in us but yet again, we made up. The next day we hung out and we couldn’t stop smiling at eachother, we were so happy. And when we made love it was the most passionate I think we have ever had. Things were better than I thought they could be…

A few nights later im hanging out with a few friends, and she calls after work seeing if she could come hang out where we were, but the owner of the house declined, so later she calls me wanting me to go our managers house, I declined, I just called her by the name of someone in her family who drinks and it hurt her. It actually made her cry, then bartender gave her a drink to cheer her up and later when I called her she was alright, kept saying she loved me and wanted to talk to me, but I told her to just have a good time, and call me later.

She didnt call, so of course I was worried. The next morning I didnt hear from her, she came into work still drunk from the night before, and of course I was mad. So I had to go tell her to leave the bar area, as I was walking to her she sees me and smiles and opens her arms for a hug, but I decline. I admit, I was being a dick.

We then go out back to talk and the first thing that slips my mouth out of anger is ‘’maybe we should end it’’ (the same thing we were talking about during our fights, but neither of us wanted to end it) that made her walk away upset/mad and I called her on her cell then she came back out and I could tell she was upset, we talked and I just told her I was worried, and I was sorry. So we decide to talk and meet up later…she then breaks up with me after everything seemed alright. It was a tear fest, she kept saying she couldn’t do it anymore…and it tore her up walking away from me, and all that night as well.

So that night, the manager guy gets her drunk with a few other people out back at work, and she ends up sleeping in the car with two other co-workers (guys) in the parking lot. And now that guy she feels replaces her recently deceased brother, because they are the same age and whatnot. This guy is 27, does one night stands, divorced, has a kid he has never seen, knocked up a chick here and there, tried sleeping with a co-worker or two…and here he is getting my ex who just graduated earlier this year (she’s 19 going on 20) drunk every night now.

Everybody is telling her stuff, but she talks to him about our situation (which im sure doesnt help ME out) and she feels for some reason he wont try anything with her. She already told me she doesn’t go hang out with him alone because he gets weird.

Keep in mind, this girl…when I broke up with the last girlfriend she was there to talk to, and we became best friends, and she liked me for about 2 years and turned down EVERY guy for me, we went to prom, I was her longest relationship, I was her first love, I took her virginity, I was the first guy she spent the night with…everything. And to top it off we talked on the phone every day for over 3 years now.

She is confusing…she says she is in love with me, that she is hurting, that she feels like she wants to end it all, that she is happy but there is something missing, that she wanted to marry me and just everything. And now that she needs to get out of the house, the hornball says they can get a place…

the first night of us not talking she was crying and not wanting to hang up thinking it would be the last time we talked…

but the more we talk and hang out, the more she hurts, the more she pushes me away…so I figure im just gonna give her time to miss me. Time to actually feel what its like not getting calls and messages from me being sweet.

I told her I was gonna give her space, and I will.

P.S.- there is soo much more…but I dont think anybody would read that much