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my boyfriend is having a crisis!

My boyfriend just started going to therapy and anger management. I’m trying to be supportive. He’s got severe manic depression and I don’t know what I can do or say to help him get through this. We’re in a long distance relationship, and he hasn’t wanted to be around anyone, including me, so I don’t even dare go see him. We barely even talk on the phone anymore. This just started this last weekend when he had a confrontation with his ex about their kids. What do I do?

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Answer #1

Thanks for the heads up angelfire, and yes i was in a similar situation. My ex suffered from depression and obsessive complulsive disorder so it was a battle and i tried the best i could to help, we were together for 3 years in total on and off. Im not going to give you my life story i can only tell you what i learned from the situation. After years of trying to help and him using me as his therapist and not getting actual help took its toll on me and i ended up depressed to. So you need to understand before anything that its your bf that suffers from this disease and not yourself and as much as you love him you need to make sure he doesnt drag you down with him. Its good to hear he is getting help for himself tho, he is taking the steps and getting help and the fact thats its long distance makes it somewhat easier for you becos you dont have to see him go thru what he does. The only thing you can do for him right now is just be there when he needs to, its normal that he doesnt want to be around people and that he isnt calling you, but when he does let him know that you are there for him and are going to be when eva he needs you, dont overdose him on questions about what hes going thru becos that will only push him away further, try and be understanding until he works out his issues thats if you are willing to stick around. Im just wondering what caused him to go off the wire about his ex, hoping its not becos he still has feelings there. but in time you’ll work all that out.

If you need to talk more in depth i dont mind at all hun, just funmail me :) and keep your chin up.

Answer #2

Karla, You want to REALLY go slow with this relationship..Continue to stay away, because there is NOTHING you can do for him….Think about it like this.. If he has manic depression, you going to be with him physically will make him happy for a few days, maybe a week, then that depression will come right back and guess who will be right in the middle of it????YOU. If you want to help him you could(OVER THE PHONE) tell him to continue going to his therapist to learn how to keep his temper and anger under control….If he is drinking encourage him to cut back..this (in the hangover after affect stage) can bring on depression….If he is being told medication will help, encourage him to go to a therapist that uses medications as a very very very last resort. These meds can really make things worse but thats another post. For now stay way away….This type of individual plays HELL with a nice person like you. Don’t allow your emotions to cloud your thinking and get in the middle of that mess. He already has gone through one marriage with kids etc….This is a big fat mess and I would advise you to start thinking of this guy as a friend (distant) friend. Slowly distance yourself away from him….When HE calls encourage him through the areas I told you to tell him about. Usually this type of personality is simply a control freak….When everything and everyone goes and does exactly the way they want they are no longer depressed. It is a huge problem to be involved with….Start looking for a nice guy that is fun to be around etc….There is more that I could add but this should be fine for now….If you need more advice on this funmail me….OK? Familycoach

Answer #3

Funmail locoluna…she was in a very similar situation! She could be alot of help to you!

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