What if I have no hope after a year of marriage?

Dear HM, A few things…the way anti-depressants kinda work is they simply mask the root problems people are going through and yours is no different. You are struggling in this relationship, the drugs work to mask your root problem…the problem is that it can only mask it so long and this is exactly why people start thinking about suicide. Because they are not listening to their depression, they are trying to suppress it and think they can drug it away. After years of masking or trying to believe their problems are not that bad, they see their problems not only the same but in alot of cases become worse. Try and find some ways to clean yourself up and off of the anti-depressant drugs..Tell your doctor this and if he says no, explain to him/her the crap that you are living in your life and that just maybe this is why you feel the way you feel and that you want to try a different approach. Different approach?? I believe depression is a great thing..It really is. The problem people make is that they don’t listen to it and don’t allow it to help them make a better, more happy life for themselves. They feel like you, nowhere else to go, stuck in life, slowly losing self esteem, believing they are forever connected to their past choices they made for themselves. But think about it…We as humans all make mistakes..right?? Try not and allow yourself to become forever connected to these mistakes. Try and look at your present situation as nobody’s fault… Not yours, not your husbands, not his family, not your family etc… Try and look at it from the perspective that you nor him really knew eachother prior to marriage (your gut feeling anyway). Even though he may have given you alot of warning signs while you were dating and you (like alot of us) ignored them. Anyway let your depression work for you. Just because you love him try not and allow that to manipulate you into living miserable. You, at some point will need to get away from this situation and take care of yourself. If he is healthy, you would think if he loved you he would work and strive to make your life less stressful, Right? What I want you to look at are his actions… Do his actions tell you that he loves you? Do his actions tell you that he wants the best for you? Do his actions tell you that he hates you to have this financial stress in your life? Be honest with yourself and make your decisions based on watching his actions. NOT HOW HE CAN CHANGE, but what you are watching now and in the past. If his actions tell you he really does not care..don’t fight it..listen to it. This is your key to a better life. If you have to split up, it is not the end of the world. You have to take care of you. I guarantee that God does not want you on this earth to live miserable. The problem people have is making that jump..actually packing up and making the choice to leave and go live somewhere else. By doing this they are telling both sides of the family, they are telling friends, everybody of this new life. What you can’t allow yourself to do is listen to everybody and their opinions. It is really pretty easy…All of us have God given comfort levels and discomfort levels…What makes you comfortable may not make someone else comfortable, or uncomfortable etc… When we don’t listen to these levels and try and fight them, is when we can have alot of distress in our life. It really is great..ask yourself what (and who) brings (you first) comfort and then those around you comfort and make your decisions accordingly. You can’t base your decisions out of guilt, out of obligation, out of fear etc.. There is alot to your situation so lets break it down into steps..OK? Starting today and over the next week center on watching/listening to your husbands actions (WITHOUT DENIAL). If what you see brings you discomfort etc..Begin to plan your life accordingly. Where will you live or who will you move in with etc..You are simply splitting up for a while, maybe this will let him know you are serious..however if you divorce, you divorce and better sooner than later. Remember if/when you choose to split it will be alittle uncomfortable for you..this is merely being uncomfortable with uncertianty..BUT think of the uncertianty as exciting. You are simply stepping into the unkown..HOWEVER you are listening to your God given comfort/discomfort levels so you can rest assure it is the right choice for you. Knowing this will comfort you in your uncertainty..I guarantee it. Don’t be afraid of this unkown/uncertianty.. jump into it with both feet and get ready for a fun life..new relationships..new friends..new financial freedoms etc… So many of us won’t go into this uncertainty because they are fearful, or feel guilty, or feel obligated etc…For now let’s break it down into the first step and if you would like you can funmail me anytime through the upcoming week..But definately by next weekend so we can go over the next weeks game plan.. This is a start to your new life…I really believe it!! STAY FOCUSED and stay in touch..and good-luck!! Familycoach