Should I kick my 23-year-old son out?

my dad kicked me out when I was 21 & I resented him for a short while, but that made me grow up & become more mature, I’m a actually thankfull for that now!

It sounds like you are getting stressed over this situation. It’s very nice of you to let him live with you but the fact is that if your son has a 5 year old kid, is working full time, and is a healthy (no disabilities) person- He should be living out of home! He’s riding the free life living off you and it’s unfair to you, your other kids, and every other 23 year old man out there working hard to pay rent phone and power.

If I were you, I’d have a serious talk with him about what he’s doing with his life etc etc. Let him down gently that you can’t afford to keep him with you anymore and he can either live with you (if you want) as if he’s ‘flatting’ (paying rent, and his share of ALL of the bills, AND tidying up after himself and rostering on dishes, shopping, and dinner duty) or he will have to leave. If he gets angry just tell him to get out. It will be hard for both of you but you can’t continue living like this. At 23 years old, he knows what he is doing is wrong. And with a child of his own, he needs to be standing on his own two feet or else it will just get worse. He will never have a strong life and career if he’s still living at home.

The problem is that he has two vehicles that are in my name and yesterday when I confronted him, he indicated that he could stop making payments, if I make him move out. I cannot afford to take over the payments and don’t want my good credit ruined. He knows he has me over a barrel, and I think he has another two years before his loan is paid off. I would ask him to at least pay 1/3 the cost of water and electricity, but I can’t even discuss with him. He gets so angry!

If the vehicles are in your name, then sell them. Give him the money, tell him to buy his own car in his name, and tell him to move out. You can’t be living in fear of your son, walking on eggshells because you don’t know when he will become angry. It’s not healthy.

He does not have you over a barrel. If he quits paying it will hurt his credit far more than yours. You already have a mortgage, another vehicle that is either paid off or you have been making regular payments on, and a much longer credit history. Granted if your son does renege on his loan it will ding your credit score but it will hurt his far worse. If you kick him out he has to rent an apartment, have dependable transportation, and work. Bad credit will make it harder to rent apartments, buy another car, and even prospective employers will look at his credit report to see if he seems like a responsible person. Yes, he can hurt your credit score but he will hurt his own far worse.

There is a way of negotiating called brinkmanship. The idea here is to keep raising the stakes until the other side backs down. This strategy was raised to an art form during the cold war when the US and USSR were kept from attaching each other fearing mutually assured destruction. If either side went to war even if they won they would loose far more than they could ever hope to gain. Poker players who have a weak hand sometimes raise the stakes until the other players fold; this is called a bluff. Sometimes it works but more often than not the poker players employing this end up loosing far more than they would have if he just folded at the start.

Your son is using brinkmanship. When you threaten something he raises the stakes hoping you won’t call him on it. Since you have always backed down in the past he does not fear any consequences. Even if he does renege on his loan and screw up your credit score it will recover. If your son is psycho enough to try to mess up your life than the quicker you can get rid of him the better.