Is this beginning of a story any good?

What is your worst nightmare? Imagine it. Picture it in your mind’s eye. Can you see it now? What is it? Tell me. A giant dinosaur rampaging in your home town? A spot on the end of your nose on the morning of a hot date? Losing the 9 to 5 humdrum job that you hate? Failing a test at school? A serial killer attacking in your neighbourhood, in your home? knowing someone’s worst fear tells you so much about them. About their values, their hopes and their imagination. Never underestimate your worst fear. It’s your mind’s way of preparing you for any eventuality. Eventually.

This is my worst fear. Can you see it yet? It’s small and shiny. Perfect in itself. A single drop of liquid. It could be mistaken for water. It’s clear, colourless and falling. That’s the mistake. The big one that will change everything. Everything you know is about to change because of this one drop. When it hits it will hardly make a splash but the ripples it causes will travel right around the world.

Can you see it? Falling in a perfect tear drop. Frozen in this moment in time like something out of a high budget science fiction film. Pull the camera back for a moment and focus on what’s happening around it. This is a laboratory. I love that word. Laboratory. It creates a picture right there. Frankenstein in his mountain top castle creating the worst monster the world has ever seen. A patchwork man with bolts of iron through his neck. Wouldn’t be much use now. This laboratory is like the ones on tv shows where they’re trying to catch the bad guy by testing his blood or fingerprints. Tidy, shiny and careful.

Here’s our bad guy. He doesn’t know it yet. Probably never will. Although part of him will wonder for the rest of his life. But it could have been anyone. There’s no way of knowing. None at all. He looks harmless enough. Brown hair and eyes, no distinguishing features. Ordinary looking. His white protective suit is spotless, security tag in place. He’s proud of making it this far. Of being allowed to work in this laboratory. It’s top level stuff. Careful and methodical he’s going about his daily tasks, gathering the used test tubes for washing. That’s what he does. He washes test tubes for a living. The man who destroyed a civilisation. Ironic isn’t it?

This laboratory is top secret. hidden behind a wall of security, it’s sensitive research. It means well. Investigating viruses and bacteria. Like the common cold, although I don’t know what’s so common about it. Think about it. A virus that is constantly mutating every time it changes host. Genius! Imagine what you could do with a virus like that. Destroy or create. What would you choose?

Watch it falling, slowly now, there it goes. Inevitably unstoppable. A tiny drop of the most powerful substance on the planet, plus a few extras. Take a look inside. You’ll need a microscope - here borrow mine. Can you see it? No, zoom in closer. Focus. There you go. They look harmless enough. Tiny viruses. Thousands of them in this one drop. They’re dormant ant the moment. Resting. Not yet aware of their true potential. No-one is. They’re an accident. A freak of nature, of science. Designed to help stop the plague of the 21st century. But they’ve been tested and apparently they don’t work. So they’re going to be destroyed. That’s where they’re going but a moment’s loss of concentration is all it takes to change the planet forever.

It’s almost there now, so close to that shiny white suit it could be resting on it’s surface. Watch it! There it’s done. Barely a splash, well it’s tiny. Hardly noticeable, it isn’t noticed at all. The virus hasn’t noticed either. Why should it? It only wakes up in the presence of it’s prey. Have you guessed yet what it does? Has your nightmare changed? No? It will. And you’ll be right there in the middle of it. Unable to wake up and reassure yourself that it was just a dream because it’s not.

A simple movement and our world ends. But with every ending comes new beginning, a chance to start over, although there is usually a period of adjustment. A settling down into new ways. There, that sounds reassuring doesn’t it. Gentle, like a drop of water hitting the arm of a sleeve, like that arm brushing against the inside of an industrial test tube cleaner. Unhurried, unaware and underestimated.

Answer #1

If this is the beginning of the story, then what is there left to say?

If you give away too much in the first chapter, you’re going to have trouble carrying on a story without it becoming redundant.

I wouldn’t introduce the bad guy just yet - he needs to be worked into the story with some mystery surrounding him.

Even the actual climax of the story has been given away already.

You can’t tell all in the first few pages

Answer #2

Awwh, I love it.<3

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