Is there something wrong with me?

I was wondering if you could help me. I’m not sure whether there is something wrong with me or it’s just the way I am. None of my friends, my boyfriend or my family know this about me or the way I feel about myself.

I stand with a bunch of people at school during breaks and I tend to stay quiet. Sometimes I can go all day without talking to anyone. When the attention falls on me - my heart starts racing really fast and I go red and it doesn’t even matter what they’ve asked me. Everytime my teachers picks me out or I just talk to them one on one, it does the same thing. I feel really uncomfortable. My heart races and I can feel myself go red.

I feel that I am below everyone, I’m not as important as them. Thats why I stay quiet because I believe that I’m not as important as them, I don’t belong here so I’ll just stay quiet. That everything would be better without me but noone would notice I was even missing.

I constantly compare myself to everyone just to confirm to myself that my life is never going to be like theirs - perfect. I compare what they have to what I have and make myself feel like crap because my life is so sh*t. Even tho, I have no problems with friends or family. My life doesn’t have any major faults but I’m never happy.

I get really wierd mood swings. I can be happy then I can get really miserable for ages. Some days I go to school and I’m really happy then the next day I’ll come in and not want to speak to anyone because I just don’t care about anything.

I have self harmed before. I try not to do it because I do it on my wrists and at school everyone can see the cuts. When I do, I try to hide them with bracelets and sweatbands and I’ve also promised my boyfriend that I wouldn’t.

I have no self-esteem, self-worth or self-belief what-so-ever. To me, everyone is better than me and I am the lowest of the low. I’ve found that things I used to enjoy have become pointless and unforfilling.

Sorry If I’ve been moaning but I’ve felt like this for years now. Is there something wrong? :/