Is NOT being yourself a good thing?

My imaginary high fives to anyone who actually reads this:

I never conformed to some lame social category in school, because they suck, and I always thought just being yourself is cool, because it is, and I didn’t need to dress like any specific group of people and hang out with only them and hate everyone else to try and fit in.

But just today I was at the mall, and I was wearing a black t-shirt with a skull and cutlasses on it (because I ACTUALLY like pirates and I actually know that the skull and cutlasses is not just a generic pirate logo but was actually “Calico Jack” Rackham’s jolly roger, and I actually LIKE Calico Jack), and my friend was wearing one of those toboggan hats that for some reason has a little pointless bill on it (that apparently is a skater/punk/emo hat because I see a lot of skater/punk/emos wearing them). Now I was already wearing a pair of jeans, which is normal for anyone, and had a pair of $20 Target brand skater-looking shoes, and my hair has gotten rather long. So I took off my bright red jacket, put on my friends hat, pulled my hair down over my eyes, walked around with my head down and my shoulders up, and BAM! I looked like an insecure emo!

Now we’ve obviously been to the mall several times before, but obviously I don’t usually look like an emo, and only once has a girl at the mall actually carried on a conversation with me. Today when we were there, and I was dressed and acting like an emo, I conversed with three (3) girls!

So not minutes ago I got on the computer and I see a picture that says “I (heart) Emo Boys”, and I started thinking “what the crap?” Now call me a loser, but I haven’t had a girlfriend since 3rd grade, and I doubt that counts. Friends who are girls, sure, but even then only a few. Now I also don’t think I’m particularly bad looking, NOT that I think that I’m all that good looking either, but I’ve never been like “Am I ugly?” I’m also not fat, not that I’m skinny, but you get the idea. But maybe the most notable thing is: I’m 6’6”.

Everyone always expresses their jealousy of tall people (not sure why, limited hiding places for Hide and Go Seek, but…), they always say it’s intimidating and no one will mess with you, etc (even though I got messed with sophomore year…), but probably the most common reason they bring up is: Chicks dig tall dudes. If this is true, then why aren’t da ladies all over me?

I think my accidental mall experiment says something about why. Not only do I think it’s because when people choose a social group to be a part of they don’t stray from the pack, but maybe girls also think “that guy plays football, I’ll be popular if I go out with him”, or “that guy’s an emo, he must be a deep sensitive intellectual”. Maybe it’s like McDonald’s, you can pull up and order a #2 and that’s what you get, just like you’re guaranteed that when you decide you like some punk skater boy, you know he likes all the same fake punk rock bands you like and everything else.

But then there are the people who are themselves to the fullest extent, who don’t follow lame fashion trends and don’t pick a social group to be a part of. The kids who don’t fit in to any of these categories, and who are basically outcasts and invisible to the people who only stick to their groups.

So is it true? Are you actually better off NOT being yourself? How come nowadays it’s increasingly becoming the case that doing the wrong thing is good (and in more ways than just this)? It’s almost as if nowadays the best advice to surviving high school is the exact opposite of what’s right: pick a social group, conform to their ways, and stick to it. What’s the deal?

Answer #1

I think you need to get out there! its got nothing to do with emo or punk or goth. That day at the mall, people were just being friendly, and as society has it, emo/punk.goth people are interesting, they give off that vibe like you dont know what to expect if you strike up convo with them. I should know. In my experience, im a metal chick, look it, dress it, go to metal clubs. And the how many times people call me goth and emo, i take offense but then again cant blame them for thinking that, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Fair enough. So i get lots of people coming up to say hi and strike up convo from guys, to girls in the bathroom for ages just to see wat im like and if im an emotional wreck or if ive got it together, its the nature.

Now i think in your case, you just want to meet new people which is a good thing. It sucks that you are out of school and not around people anymore, you have to get out there, go out and make some new friends if you have confidence USE IT! go out, meet new people but BE YOURSELF…dont dress emo/punk if its not you. Becos if you happen to find someone who likes that style, it will annoy them that you were faking. Be yourself, act yourself, and be patient. Go out and eventually you will find someone and a have a gf who loves you for you. That simple.

Answer #2

Dear kamex, Well you’ve talked mostly about the girls reactions to your emo style. This is were we say that girls and guys are hard wired differently. Here’s a lesson about girls: they want to be caregivers…it’s hardwired. So when they are around guys that are/appear helpless this care giving hardwired preset mechanism gets triggered. It’s like…oh how cute he is…now how can I change him and make him better. The second thing is that we learn over time to wear different hats. Not as hats on your head but hats as different ways we conform. So growing up is a balance of who you are and who you have to be in any given situation. I have tattoos and a nose ring but when I go for an interview I take out my nose ring and hide my tattoos. When I go to the schools as an EA I don’t show my tattoos…but when I am out with the teens just hanging around I leave my nose ring in and they see my tattoos. When I have a meeting with my boss I don’t swear and I’m as polite as can be…but at home if I drop something on my foot I can swear like a sailor and I can burp as loud as my hubby. So yes sometimes we are not totally ourselves but we try to find a balance of who we are and how much we can be ourselves in any given situation. So we do conform at the appropriate times and we learn when we can “let our hair down”. It’s just all part of growing up and knowing how to play the game. If you should decide not to and to never conform or as they say “dress for success” then you will without a doubt be left behind. Sue…good luck

Answer #3

Maybe those people in those social groups are being themselves. The emo hanging out with the other emos is actually sensitive and intellectual. Those people are who they are and hang out in the groups they hang out in for a reason..

Now you ask..”Are you actually better off NOT being yourself?”.. In your case.. no. To fit in a group you would have to not be yourself and act as if you were someone your not.. Now lets say you do get more girls being emo.. maybe even get a girlfriend.. and then she discovers thats not you.. you really arnt like those people… Wouldnt you look like a fake? Even if you adapt to the groups ways.. can you really be happy being someone you arnt?

Living lies.. will cause unhappiness in my opinion.. and will only make it easier for you to live lies later.

Ive graduated highschool, and I can tell you… the day you graduate- those groups dont mean anything. After highschool you dont have groups-you dont see all those people- and you are left to be exactly who you are. I pity those who were fake during highschool.. because afterwards.. when their social group and click are gone who are they going to really be? They will be left confused and not sure of themselves.

You dont stay friends with everyone when you leave highschool. In fact many people you know will start to change and go seperate ways, and you will only have just a few close friends that are there. Maybe even no one… but its part of growing up.

So is it good to NOT be yourself? I say NO. Save yourself the worries and problems. You will succeed farther in life

Answer #4

It wouldn’t matter if she found out I was fake, because she’d be a fake too. How many times have you seen someone ask on here “How can I get the Goth look”, or “How can I be popular at school”, or “How can I be emo”? It’s a crock o’ crap. The thing is I’m already out of school, so I’m not around that many people anymore, so obviously have no better chance getting a girlfriend. I mean I’m not on a giant quest to get one or anything, but even still is seems if I cared enough the only was to do it is to pretend to be someone else.

They say girls like confidence and tall people, and I’m rather confident and tall, yet no one gives a crap. They just never saw me because I wasn’t a part of their group, and for some reason people are afraid of getting to know someone that they can’t just already assume everything about them from the way they dress and crap. But whatever.

Answer #5

Wow no cliques after hs are you joking? I’m outta highschool and it doesn’t go offense but tal boys are great I’m 5’9’’ so on the taller side for a girl. Word of advice don’t pretend to be something you aren’t. I’m a girl who doesn’t have a specfic taste yeah I prefer black but some days you’ll see me in pink. I wear what I like to wear and some people like me and some hate me. Being yourself isn’t bad. I’ve never had any problems atracting guys just problems attracting guys I like lol. Truth is no matter what at the end of the day you are you. I’m different and most peopel (even though I’m tall) like to papmer me. Cause I’m childish sometimes well a lot. Anyway there are always people who’ll like you. Admitidly most of my friends don’t get along with each other differces of opinion and all that but at least they like me for me right? That was a long answer but I hope you could understand it . Good luck

Answer #6

ALWAYS be yourself. Don’t care what others think.

Answer #7

It’s okay to be a little different from yourself every once in a while, just to be open, but it’s really more fun and comfortable to be yourself, You don’t need requirements to be yourself, do you?

Answer #8

Don’t be a poser! Be yourself Id date you :]

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