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Is this story any good? I haven't finished it yet, but it's got to be handed in as part of my coursework on Monday and I want a good grade.
Operation Pied Piper
Felix was starting to think he spent too much time in the tin can he and his brother had constructed. All around him he could hear the bombs falling, destroying what was left of his world. He remembered the greengrocers his mother used to go, with it’s fruit and vegetables. You would go in and all around you there were succulent tomatoes, cabbages and other earthy smelling delights that had just been plucked from the ground. Ma said that she still missed oranges and bananas, but Felix was too young too remember. One day they went on their weekly trip to Hodgen’s, as it was called, only to find themselves looking at a great big pile of rubble. ‘Felix, hello? Are you listening to me?’ Felix jumped. ‘Huh, what?’ He replied, shaking himself slightly, looking blankly at his eight-year-old shrimp of a sister. ‘I’m scared,’ she whispered, ‘cuddle?’ She put her arms out and I did too, picking her up and putting her on my knee with ease. I’m pretty strong for a fifteen-year-old. I guess putting up the Anderson shelter helped.
the 'Felix, hello?' part. You need to work over the part after that. Your story goes a bit down after the 'Felix, Hello?'part, but I like the start. Your story has potential, a human interest one, based on a true historical fact, I'm guessing. But a lot will depend on how you are going to go ahead with it. plus, what course it is that you're submitting this paper to.
the 'Felix, hello?' part. You need to work over the part after that. Your story goes a bit down after that part, but I like the start. A human interest one, based on a true historical fact. But a lot will depend on how you are going to go ahead with it.
that was ok it kind of confused me in the begininng and then it made more sense to towards the end part. I liked it. that was friken awesome. you have made a wonderfuol story. SO FAR!!! :) 1
Is that all of it?
It has the potential of a good story, but there definitely needs to be more - it ends rather abruptly.
I put at the top that that was only some of it. Unless you want me to put more than 700 words on!
