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Is My Short Story Correct?

  1. Pls correct my own made story and its my first try.
  2. Is there anything you can Add?
  3. can you pls give me a suggestion, tips, hints, technique, & hints?

Another love story from childhood, hope you enjoy reading… Long time ago in the year 2001 there was a guy name Nathan who was in elementary. This guy was some kind of a weird person in the campus. He has no friend that time mostly he want to be a alone contented with it. Then he met Anna she was a typical girl that time, Nathan learned to have friends with Anna they enjoy each company. One year after Nathan change school there is no available time in going with Anna.

Then he met another girl in grade 4 named Helen, also became close with him. They became friends for two years. Then again they separate their way because they went to high school. From first year to second year Nathan became alone again, he was openly contented for that. But suddenly when he turned to third year this make a big change to Nathan there is a girl who cached his attention. Surprisingly that girl was Helen even though they haven’t meet for a long time their friendship was not changed. Nathan’s feeling was turned to love but he doesn’t know how to tell it.

Tnx a lot

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Answer #1

it is pretty goo you doing a good job

Answer #2

First off i found this mistake, “He has no friend” your story is based in the past so you should keep it tense thus turning has into had and no friend.. should be no friends or “he had no one as a friend.

“change school there is no available time in going with Anna.” again try to keep the story all in the correct tense and change verbs into past tense ones such as changed. Also “there is no available time in going with Anna” is difficult to read and is unclear ill try to rephrase it.

I think that this is a good rough for a plot but isnt a very good short story. In my readings short stories should have alot of imagery to paint a clear picture that a novel does with many pages. Also when writing stories try to stay away from the word “there” there shows that something exists and nothing more leaving a very bland story. You should try in future stories spicing it up and being more descriptive with strong action words and adjectives.

If i were to make this into a lengthy story about how he isnt able to tell Helen but when he finally does Anna comes back into the picture creating a conflict. Stories all have conflicts.. rising, climax, then falling action leading to a conclusion.

Anyways i hoped i helped and good luck to you.

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