Funadvice Logo
Post
More Love & Relationships Questions

Is it safe to assume?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost one and a half years. We spend alot of time together. I would say almost as much as two people could without living together. For the most part things are great. He’s the one good thing in my life outside of my daughters. I find myself thinking about him costantly and he’s always calling me. We work at the same place and we live right down the street from each other. So we’re very connected. The only problem I have is not knowing how he feels. I ask I do and in the beginning…4 or 5 months into this…he would say “Pepper see it for what it is-not what you want it to be!” I was so confused. He would always say,”actions speak louder than words!” True he showed me something everyday. He was always going out of his way. For once in my life I’m going to the movies every week-end…Saturday and Sunday,going to eat at nice resturants and actually own more than two pairs of shoes!!!! So now when we talk about feelings and yeah I’ve told him a few times that I love him but now he says,”Pepper if you don’t know by now then I’m not going to tell you. If you don’t know then you don’t deserve to know. You live it why you gotta ask!” OMG! Is it safe to assume that he loves me? I never have been big on assuming but he doesn’t see it as assuming. So I need a honest opinion. He’s 45 and never been married so………………

Become an Expert →
Answer #1

I have been in a similar situation but backwards. My guy would tell me he loved me (not excessive, but a few times) but never showed any actions or would go out of his way for me to make me see that he loved me. I would be so upset that he wouldnt show me that he loved me, and it was a really big frustration in our relationship. I on the other hand, am the type of person who shows my love constantly, and am always saying I love you, because it is what I want in return as well. I told him how I felt, and how I needed more. And to this day it is still slightly a struggle but getting way better.

In your case, make sure you vocalize how you feel. If you love him- tell him. Whenever you feel it- Whether he likes it or not. Let him warm up to the expressing love thing. Maybe its hard for him. Make sure you let him know that you need to hear it and see it. And that you will do the same. Yes you know that he loves you- but hearing it is always nice and every girl deserves that. Money cant buy love- remember that. A sincere I love you- is meaningful.

Also- watch out for commitment issues. If hes 45 and has never been married- there could be a reason why. Maybe he has issues with expressing love verbally, or making serious commitments.. and saying I love you might be just part of making a committment that he does not want to take.

Lastly- Make sure you guys give eachother space too. It will help a relationship. Every day time together is fine, but make sure you give yourself some alone time to do what you need to do.

I just think the way he is coming out with the not saying I Love You is a big red flag, and you need to be watching his footsteps. Dont cut yourself short, on deserving an I love you

Answer #2

Pepper, are you a hot pepper? Just kidding. You are a very “attractive” girl/woman! IMO, I think your BF is being intentionally vague and ambiguous and really doesn’t want to commit at this time. If I were single and dating a good looking woman like you and I even thought I was in love, I would tell you exactly how I felt and not be beating around the bush. At 45 he might just be totally satisfied with being a bachelor and having a girl on the side. That’s a long time for a man to be single and it could be he’s very set in his ways.

Answer #3

I think it sounds like he does love you. Some people just aren’t big on saying it. My partner and I almost never say it. Some people do like to hear the words sometimes, but other people are just content to know, feel it, and live it. So I can relate to this guy. I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag or anything to worry about.

Answer #4

hi pepper, my name is james, of course it is not good practise to assume but i was one of those guys once that never said that beautifull 4letter word(i love you) it cost me my marriage and one year old daughter,of course that was in 1981, and now me and my daughter have the greatest father and daughter and grandson relationships i would ever dream of . so sweetie be patiant with him and be carefull on yur decissions,it could hurt severely.thats the best advice i have. by now.

Answer #5

Pepper, I agree with Fototag about everything. This man is not commiting himself. By telling you to see things as they are? I think he wants a companion but not lifelong commitment. Sorry. Take yourself to the movies and buy yourself flowers sometimes. You can do those things for yourself as well. You may think it is just because he loves you but some womanizers are this way. Be careful..Take care. :0)

Answer #6

To me actions do speak louder than words but it is nice to hear the words once in a while too. If you have been with him for a year and a half already i would assume he loves you because yous are still together and after a year and a half he is still going out of his way for you. So i say yes he does. But you need to tell him you know actions speak louder than words but it is nice to hear i love you sometimes.

More Like This
Advisor

Love & Relationships

Dating, Marriage, Breakups