is it like this forever?

I’m about at the end of my rope and not sure where to turn. I’m not a very social person but not really by choice, I just seem to be an over anxious person who really wants to have a good time. The last relationship I had was almost eight years ago but scarred me so bad that I only leave my place maybe once a week (retired like four years ago), It involved me trying to save someones life from a very disturbing family who violated this poor girl since she was around six years old until she was sixteen. I dedicated my life to making them pay, But in the process I lost 90% of my own family and also her and I lost each other in all of the drama. Now it’s eight years later and I feel so alone friend wise but I was so young when all of the bad stuff happened and I don’t know how to talk to people at all to make friends, I really miss having someone’s hand to hold and doing things to make them smile but I have honestly given up on anyone being with me in that way again. I don’t know what else to say folks, I have really checked out of life and don’t see the point anymore, I’m not really to a suicide point nor do I think I ever could but I feel SO dead inside.