Does the fact that I discourage teens not to get pregnant make me a hypocrite?

Whenever I am on this site and I see young girls wanting to get pregnant. I try and convince them not to. I try and tell them how hard it is, and I try to explain why they should wait. Part of me saying that, is me saying that they should try and go to college first and get married, before they Try for a baby.

I’m 23 years old, I had my son when I was 22. I was engaged before I became pregnant, no I am not married. I did got to college and graduated, I just never pursued a career in the field that I had went for.

a lot of the young girls on here have called me a hypocrite for telling them to try and get married before they have children. I dont think I am. I didn’t Try to have my son. He was a suprise.

Anyways. I would just like to get other’s opinions on this subject. Does that make me a hyprocrite?

Answer #1

Nope, I don’t think you’re being a hypocrite. I actually think you’re trying to help other girls not get pregnant, and that’s good (:

Answer #2

No, this is not hypocritical. In fact you are probably more qualified to answer them than people who have not had experience with the situation.

Answer #3

Mandyloo~ I was on the pill too taking religiously for over a year…thought I was safe…started taking an anti biotic that apparently counter acts with the BC part of the pill…haha thanks for the warnings doc!

Answer #4


Think about it. You do love your fiance right, and you are actually financially and emotionally ready to have a baby (from what I have read). The thing with teenagers trying to have babies though, is that they take their finances as well as their supposed “love” for granted. Then when the girl gets pregnant she finds out that she does not have any money to feed her child, especially if her boyfriend leaves her (which usually happens when you are a teenager)

Answer #5


I understand what you are saying, but I was on birth control, so yes I did try and prevent pregnancy. I was 22 years old and it’s ridiculous to tell a 22 year old to be abstinant. I took the pill daily close to the same time, but no one told me that in our family, women tend to get pregnant even when on the pill. Apparently it’s genetic that we are extremely fertile.

I do agree with you though, the ages are usually between 14-16 years old and they are wanting to get pregnant. I won’t quit telling them things, I just keep hearing the same word hypocrite and I was wondering if more people thought that, or just the young girls who are mad at me for telling them the truth.

Answer #6

In your opinion - does this make me a hypocrite?

No… learning from your past doesn’t make you a hypocrite. They don’t know what the word means. They’re probably saying that just because you’re telling them what they NEED to hear, instead of what they WANT to hear. Which is typical…

But that’s why we give advice on such matters; because it seems like many of these people just want to learn the HARD WAY…

Answer #7

you’re definitely NOT a hypocrite! I agree that they should wait until they found the person that they are TRULY in love with, and they should at least have a steady job that has money coming in. 14 year olds having kids? WHAT?! they are kids themselves. you’re doing the right thing by telling them to wait; however, they’re the ones that have to make the decision. even though it’s almost always the wrong one these days.

Answer #8

I would say just the young girls think it, because they only want to hear that it is great and go ahead and do it. So you get to the point where you want to say, Don’t ask us, just go do it and let me know what you think after your child is born. Oh and by the way let the person know who you are sleeping with what your plan is. I do get upset, because a boy or man can easliy prevent this also. Hello condom’s, and what about STD’s do they even think about that.

Answer #9

Thank you for the feedback everyone! I appreciate it!

Answer #10

No not really, they should hear from someone who has been through it.

Answer #11

No. You’re not a hypocrite. Their teenagers - without a job or qualifications. And they don’t have a suitable partners that’s going to stay with them when the baby pops out.

Answer #12

no , your just tellin them not to make the same mistake as you .

Answer #13

I don’t think your a hypocrite, you ate able to tell them first hand that its not just a easy thing like taking care of a doll and buying a baby cute clothes,its a 24 job… You must care for a life.even though you may love your baby more than anything, you know its hard and you know how much easier it would be if you graduated, were married, and ready to start that chapter in your life as a mother.I am only 20 and I am 6 months pregnant with my first child, and I’m not even with the father anymore.but I didnt want to get a abortion even though I know its going to be not living for me anymore Im living to be there for my son, even though I already am wishing I waited untill I finished school and I wish my child would have a father, I’m going to do everything I can to provide for my child,even if that means putting all of my wants and needs on the back burner. I tell girls the same thing,whether older or younger than me to wait until you know you won’t have to worry about anything. You can always have a child but make sure your ready to provide for a life.

Answer #14

Well Mandyloo, I think what most people would say is maybe you did not “try” but you did not do enough to prevent it either. I agree with you, these young girls should not be trying to have a baby, and most of us want to do it the “right” way, go to school, fall in love, get married, have a family, I am 33 years old and always wanted lots of children. Had sex at the age of 16 got engaged at 18 married at 21 and left him at 26, I have had many partners and now I am remarried and would like to start a family. I guess my point is I have made it from the age of 16 to 33 without having a “suprise” Now it would be nice and we are trying. Harder at my age. I think these young ladies are missing something in their life and want a child to fill the void. I wounder if their boyfriend is ready to have a child. I don’t think it make you a hyprocrite if you are explaning to them how hard it was for you, even though you would not trade your son in for anything, If you could go back you may have done things a little different. I think it is like my mother always said “ wait till you get older, you will understand” and I thought what is she talking about, I know what I want, but when you get older you realize what she was trying to tell you. (she was right, weather I would like to admit it or not. The thing is, I think people should be able to look back on their life and not have any regrets and that is hard, I have one or two, but you have to move past them. you can’t just “get over” having a child. And no offence to the younger girls, But Mandyloo you have to look at the age of girls in these questions, they think we are a**holes for trying to help them. So you may be beating a dead horse, but this is one horse I will keep kicking if 1 out of 10 girls listen’s to our answer’s. When I worked at rehab 1 out of 10 kids would stay sober and we did if for that one child because it did make a difference to us.

Answer #15

I don’t think that you’re a hypocrite either. I was 15 and pregnant…I was in an abusive relationship and believe me I didn’t want to get pregnant but sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. I lost the baby (in a way that I wouldn’t wish on anyone) and now I think that it was probably a good thing…I can’t imagine being tied to that…monster…for ever.

Now I have 3 kids and they were all surprises. I know probably better than anyone how birth control can really fail. I took the pill for 5 years and all of a sudden I found out my son was on the way. Then I was on the patch for 4 months when I found out my middle son was on the way (my oldest was only 5 months…and I was still breastfeeding, I never thought that would happen). My youngest was born exactly 3 years and 19 days after my oldest…with her we were using condoms and spermicides. Now I have my tubes tied and had a procedure done called a Nova Sure…where they put some kind of netting in your uterus and shock it to prevent the blood from building up. Anyway I had that done 3 years ago and haven’t had a period since (yeah…).

You can tell them from experience what it’s like just like I can tell them from experience how nothing is going to stop those little sperm. That doesn’t make you a hypocrite it makes you a person with experiences. And as harleyrider said if we can change just one girls mind then it’s all worth it.

Answer #16

not at all! Im in the same boat! I wouldnt trade my son for the world but at the same if I can, I want to keep girls from having to go through what I have gone through…im in college right now and its incredibly difficult, I am barely a full time student only taking twelve hours next semester because taking sixteen this semester is too much and I was forced to drop…I cant just get up and go to class like normal college kids do…I may be going to school with kids my own age…but they dont have a car seat in the back…they dont have to re do work sheets cause the baby spat up while you were feeding him and doing your homework…they complain about waking up to go to their 8ams and I cant wait til I can sleep til 7 cause the baby wakes up whenever he wants… Dont get me wrong the father helps a lot but I never got that wedding that every girl dreams of cause I was pregnant and at the end of the day no its not what matters its all material…but when my son gets older I would love to be able to pull out a wedding album and be able to show him mommy and daddy happy together like my parents did…but I cant

It scares me to death hearing fourteen yr olds and fifteen yr olds even 18 yr olds wanting to get pregnant when there are so many teen age mothers out there that are going through hell because they brought a life into this world that they werent ready for…

So long story short I dont think youre a hypocrite at all!

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