What if I still love a cheater?

I feel like i want to die. My fiance that i have been with for almost 3 years has cheated on my 4 times and maybe more in the past 3 years. He has treated me awful. Yet i still love him. He lives 6 hours from me now. And i have no clue what he does. His cousin tells me things about girls but he hasnt seen him do anything bad. I love this boy with all of my heart. and i would do anything for him.

Just recently he stayed a week with me, I gave him my virginity. And we thought we were pregnant. He stuck by me and helped me through it, when we found out we werent he started to eventually never talk to me ect. The only time he really talks to me and seems to love me is when hes horny. Hes always gone now, talking to other girls more. Last night i found out he was talking to an ex girlfriend.. I got on his myspace to see if she had sent him anything

She went this “ Andrew. She loves him… with everything that is in her. She decided to check out his myspace. And now she’s wondering if he really ever loved her. It felt so real.. She’s hurt. She needs to hear his voice. She still loves him.. even though her heart is breaking. Please call her. She didnt get your comment on vf because you deleted your vf. please at least reply to this… I still love you with all of my heart. Am I pathetic? “

He was on the phone with me before i had read this, we had just hung up about 5 mins before. I called him and he had hung up the phone with me saying he was calling his friend Sean, but he really called her. I asked for an explanation, and i cried for almost 7 hours after that. non stop. Im still torn about this. this happend last night. hes always gone now. And doesnt call me when he says he will. I think hes cheating on me bigtime now with several girls.

What do I do? Ive told my mom i want to go to a phsycologist. And that i need help. Im deeply depressed and shes takeing me monday. Im going to try and be put on some kind of antidepressent. But im still very suicidal. I cut myself, and write horrid things, and i think of death way to much. Im not trying to seek attention for people to feel bad for me, i just want help and advice on how to fix things with him and I. I dont Only have trouble with him. Sice i was 5 my paretns got divorced and i hadnt spoke to my mom for years. Suddenly i was taken from my dad and forced to be with her. Ive had problems with people. counslors that put me down all the time -a fixed thing- nwo hes in prison. Abuse from ex boyfriends. Negelct from my mother. Anger problems with my father. I hate myself so much and always have.

Someone please help me. There is so much more wrong with me i just need help before i do something even more stupid. Please!