I think I have ruined what I had with my ex by breaking up with him

Before me and my ex boyfriend went out we were best friends we were very close and he liked me but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by going out with him even though I really did like him but after a while he got angry with me for saying no to him and we got into a fight and stopped talking and I felt bad and missed him being my friend but then we started talking and hanging out again and we ended up going out and things felt different like he was good in the beginning and then things started to change he started to ignore me and act strange so I got the vibe he didn’t like me and I knew from being his best friend before that he wasn’t very good with relationships and girlfriends and I thought that was what was going on and we were on and off for about 4 months and he was the one who would always break up with me but I always seemed to miss him and all the things he did that usually would make me not like a boy I still did because I feel in love with him because I didn’t look at the things he did wrong to me I looked at him like I did when we were best friends but even after a while I started to second guess on weather I made the right choose by going back out with him but I thought about it long and hard until I asked him one night how he felt and if he cared enough to keep the relationship going because I needed to know because I didn’t want to get hurt in the end like I did the other times when he broke up with me even though I knew I would either way but I figured it wouldn’t be so hard if I did it but I was wrong and the answer he gave me wasn’t what I was looking for and we almost both agreed to break up together but I just had to say it was over even though I didn’t want to I had to just so I wouldn’t have to go through the heartache again but now its not even been a month that I broke up with him and I think about him everyday and ask myself if I didn’t break up with him would we still be together my friends say they think so because this time he was different not to bad but I still don’t know what to do because I cant get him off my mind no matter what I do and it gets me frustrated at myself and its really hard for me to let go because I care for him so much and I really do love him and need some advise on what to do I know I should move on and believe me I’m trying but it feels impossible to do and all I want to do is talk to him and see if he misses me and still has feelings for me but I’m afraid to know the answer because I feel like I’ve ruined everything between us . . please some one help me and tell me what I should do.