How do I get over my ex?

I have been married for almost 2 years now and rushed into this because of preassure from family etc , the thing is my husband is a good friend and loves me very much but right from the start I was never sure if I felt the same way. I’ve kept my surname and just cant let go of who I am as an indivdual to become this unit , I want to be crazy inlove with the man I marry and really want the white wedding -my husband and I just went to the registry office and to be honest with him I dont want the whole big wedding thing because my hearts not in it .im also still inlove with my x boyfriend who has moved on and is getting married soon - it consumes me at times and is making me miserable -I just cant seem to let go of him either and something in me wants his relationship to fail altho I love him and want him to be happy.so given the whole situation I feel maybe its best for me to be alone - which terrifies me - I have no kids yet and dont want that to happen in this marriage but I dont want to hurt my husband and feel if I go ill loose everything and get with someone who wont love me equally - what would you do?