I love him and not sure about him

I don't know what else to do. This is going to be long, so bear with me please because it is very complicated. I have asked many people but they don't seem to quite understand. I have been working with this guy for 2 years. He is smart, good looking, very much of a gentleman and has a great sense of humor. He is perfect for me. This was like love at first sight, but I didn't know it then. At first it was your typical "Hi, how are you doing." Then about 10 months later, me and a group of friends were going out to a bar after work and asked him to come with us and he did, which caught me off guard because this whole time I thought he was out of my league. So after a couple of drinks and making a fool of myself. Then we decided to leave the group and go for a drive and talk. We started to talk about all sorts of things. Then when we came back, I made an agreement with him that he could have those pork roasts that I had if he gave me a kiss. He agreed. But the kiss was amazing. He placed his hand on the side of my face using a nice firm grasp as we frenched for a good couple of minutes. I couldn't stop thinking about that for months. Then I had some of my friends get a feel for where we were at and I think it freaked him out.

Then this one girl that I asked to help me, ended up becoming best friends with him (even to this day and me and her can't stand each other now) and he just backed way off and acted very strange around me. Then those two were flirting with each other he would come up and rub her sholders (while her boyfriend was working there with us - but on the other side of the building) which he never did with me. And they would always be together. I would be lying if I said that this didn't make me jealous. I asked her to help me and she stole him. I am starting to wonder if she said some untrue things which ruined are relationship. He told me sometime while this was all going on that he stopped doing somethings because "people" were spreading rumors and that is why he has backed off. But that wasn't true. He was still enjoying those activities.

About 6 months later, I had gotten in a car accident and asked him if he could give me a ride since he lived so close by. So he helped me out with rides for the next month. Then a few days before I got my car back, I told him that I had feelings for him but due to the fact that I was married ( and he knew I was this entire time- even though I was starting the divorce process) I couldn't be with him and asked for his help to get over him. So he told me to walk home. I told him I couldn't walk home because it was pouring outside. So he gave me a ride home and then stopped talking to me for the most part. Awkwardly enough, there were sparatic times that people would come up and tell me "Hey, I think so and so likes you" or "you guys are so cute together". I explained to these people that we were together and it surprised everyone. I thought it was so bazar becuase he wasn't even talking to me anymore.

Then just a few months ago, he was starting to come back around. He parked next to me, even after I had moved my car during lunch. He came outside to have a cigarette with me, even though that was not his normal break period and way outside of his normal activity. There was also times he bumped into my hand as we grabbed for the door. But when I call him up to talk, or try to get him to come over, he is always busy and never answers his phone. I am lost. I don't know at all what to do. It is so confusing. I tried to write a letter explaining my frustrations and my confusion, but he hasn't come out and said "leave me alone" or "I would like to clear this up". He also hasn't completely ignored me, but he doesn't really go out of his way to come talk to me. Please help me. I love him and I would love to be with him more than ever now that my divorce is finalized.