I emailed his wife...

Ken and I fell in love 7 years ago in New York. Three months later he moved in with me in Los Angeles. He said he had been separated from his wife for years before we got together, he had lived in Florida and North Carolina and had a long term relationship in South Carolina. He said she was very catholic and had never been with another man, so he had hoped she would eventually meet someone and ask him for a divorce. He was very succinct that they would never get back together and that I was the first person he felt he had ever really loved. He even said he told her that and they were like brother and sister now.

Two years ago he gave me a ring on Christmas morning. He didn't get down on one knee or even propose, but it was an engagement ring that went on my left hand ring finger. When we were first together, I told him I wanted children and he said, "Until you, I never would have considered it." We have seen adoption attorneys, looked into Foster Care.

For the past 2 weeks, we haven't been getting along. I have been intermittently sleeping on the couch and I made a list of some of the things that I thought I needed to change - take better care of myself, drink more water and less wine, go back to the gym, take vitamins and I want him to get a divorce so we can move on with our lives. We have been looking at condos together and need to be married to adopt in California.

After some heated discussion, he said that he was never going to divorce her and she would never divorce him. What??!! And then he asked, "What has she ever done to you?" Again - What??? I repeated to him that he told me they had been separated for 8 years before we met. And he said "Off and on."

I went into the bedroom and found her email address in his mailbox and wrote in the subject line - Hi - I am ***. It was never my intention to hurt you. I thought you had been separated for years before we met. Its over because you won't divorce him. Again, I never meant to cause you any pain.
Pam

When I went in the other room and said I had sent an email to his wife, he said, "If you emailed her, it's over" without even knowing what I sent. I said, "Then it's over because I already hit send. "

I packed a bag which I didn't take and when to a friends for the night. I came home early in the morning and when I saw him he told me I had ruined his life and that now she would get everything and cancel his PPO insurance. He went to walk the dog and I grabbed my suitcase and left.

I ache for him I miss him so badly and I didn't know that little email would change my life so drastically. He just told my friend that we are looking for different things. Help.

3 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 3

Dear pjbosc,
I don't understand he told your friend he was looking for different things? I'm not sure what that means? You need to go back a few weeks and find out what was happening when you starting to argue and what was that about ? You said you made a list for yourself...do you feel the things on the list you were not doing was causing a problem? When one does not finish one relationship and pretends to move on this is what happens. You have been together a long time and I find it hard to believe you didn't know he was communicating with her. Did you not know they were still talking? If you did you should have been involved and aware of what they were discussing. Why did you apologize to her when you sent the email...form what I am hearing how is any of this your fault. I do believe the word he used was off and on relationship with her...on being the last word he used. You must now be able to look back and see some red flags? Well you are at a point now where you need to get some counselling. You need to realize he wasn't over her and probably was still seeing her, at least hanging on to her. You have some tough choices to make but it seems that you need to make these choice so that they benefit you...It is apparent you will blame yourself and unless you get counselling your doomed to follow this pattern again or get back with him while he still has no closure in his last relationship. Both of these would not be in your best interest.
Sue...good luck


ANSWER #2 of 3

ok well for one what awas the reply from the wife thats one thing we need to no to advise u

I cant,get over my ex wife
ANSWER #3 of 3

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