Am I just being too suspicious of my husband?

I am married to a man I have known almost 30 years. (platonic)Third marriage for both of us. We have been married a little over two years. Right from the beginining we had problems.He is not the person I thought he was.We argue often because I am constanly suspicious of him being deceitful.He has told me that he will lie to me(or any one els) to keep from getting in an arguement or to avoid hurting someones feelings.He tells me he will call who he wants when he wants.He tells me he is a 47 year old man(now48) and he will do what he wants and he isn’t doing anything wrong.And then I say”By who’s standards?” About 1989 my husband got involved with a married woman who is 16 years older than he. He was suposed to be friends with her and husband.Even calling them “mom and dad” renting room from them off and on over the years.They did have a sexual relationship for about 10 years.My husband now has E.D.wich is why I think the sexual part stopped with them.They continued an emotional affair in my opinion,right into our marriage.At first I let it go because he swore they are just friends. Here is some of the reasons I do not and cannot trust him.How stupid can I be?Or am I just being suspious? Once after he hang up with her he looked at me smiled and said”I can have her at any time” What?Another time he called her up and said”Hi Baby,it’s me” Huh?This is when I started realizing this is more then friendship.He use to have coffee with her while I was at work.(He is self employed).He use to watch her bowl while I was at school(5wk STNA coarse) because he didn’t have anything to do.When I told my husband how I felt and told him I wanted this to stop and if it didnt I was going to tell her husaband,the friend stopped calling the house that day and then only called his cell phone and only while I was at work or he was at his weekend job. He swears he never told her what I said about telling her husband.He got her to co sign two credit cards even though I asked him not to they did it while I was at work but,he said he did it for us,so we could get a washer and dryer.I told him to begin with ,we should put our money together and get them.We agreed that so I would know what they are talking about he would not answer when she calls and return her call while I was present.He did not do this twice they talked while he was at work he agreed again that he would not answer and call her back when I was present.But she left a message stating”I need to talk to you”according to him, so he called her back right away.Again breaking the trust.He says “It was just a phone call”He often contradicts himself in what he says and gets angry ,raises his voice at me when I question him.He says I think too much. He says I should keep those thoughts to my self (suspsions).He will shout “if Im such a no good liar then why do you stay with me.”He says that EVERYONE lies and he is the most honest person I am ever going to find.” What am I not getting here?.A couple weeks ago we got into an arguement over him taking a shower befor his week end job.He had taken a shower the night befor-we went to the movies and came home went to bed.4:30 in the morning he takes another shower wich was unusual for him.I said “you took another shower?’ He responded with”see”Like he exspected me to be suspsious.Then I found out (via online phone records) That he started calling a female co worker right after he left the house at 5:30 AM again around 6 :00 and again around 7:00AM.He says that he wanted to ask her if she would cover for him at work if somthing came up but she didn’t answer. I asked him why he thinks its okay to call her or anyone els at 5:30 AM and to understand I asked did she tell you to call anytime he said “NO!” then acouple sentances later he said”She told me to call her anytime”This woman is a widow.She already hooked up her neice with one of the guys who works there.(My daughters boyfriend who she has a 3 yr.old with ).And now I unde rstand the women has been fooling around with a married man at work.My husband recently started talking about life insurance policies etc.This was before I found out about this woman at work and her being a widow.My husband has his own towing bussiness.One day I was with him when he got a call to an adress he acted like he didnt know where the street was and turned around three times going differant directions.I said to him “Whats wrong with you? You know thats off West 130th. Later after finding out more info. on the coworker and doing a name search That very same address came up for her.The tow was called in by her nephew who now owes my husband for a tow and wont pay him .Do I really need all this? I have a mentally dissabled child .I know how very hard it is on my own.He is excellant about providing anything.He does not go out nights.He watches my daughter while I work if she is sick.I work part time.I told him once “I cant even work a full time job because you’ll be having an affair with grandma!” I have lost my income tax last year because he owes back taxes.Now there is a hold on this year. Wow !!! I need counceling!!! Yesterday we went to a resteraunt we have talked about going to for about a year.When we got there he referred to the wine on the wall as Vino(somthing he had never done around me befor)He is not Italian.When the waitress came over and asked if this was our first time here I said “No,it;s our first time”but,at the same time he said “I don’t know if I ever been here” What? When I opened the menu whats the first word that pops out at me -VINO.I asked him the next day how could he not know if he has ever been there before.Does he have Amnesia or was he on a twenty year drunk and he doesnt remember what he did.Am I being suspious over nothing?He tells me I should have been a detective.He has told me before that Im right about my instincts 90% of the time but not about him .We have had an intamacy issue also.We use to fight over me wanting to be affectionate and now we fight over deciet because I have gave up on intamacy and affection etc. I told him I will seek counceling because either him or my instincs are lying to me.By the way,after the last time he called his friend ex lover,I did tell her husband.Maybe be the reason for the interest in the coworker.I told him that I understand he has to talk to women at work,on tows in the world in general but, when it goes beond work and get spersonal thats differant.Need impartial opinion.