How to come clean about rape?

Im new to this thing, and was wondering if I could just get some answers. Possibly from people who have been through the same kinda thing… Im sixteen years old, at the age of about 8 I hadthe worst day of my life! I was sexually abused by my grandad. I dont know if you could class it as rape? Ever since that day I’ve regretted not telling anyone barr two of my closest friends. I feel ashamed, asif it was my fault. Although to be honest I didnt really know right from wrong. I also didnt want 2be told off as a child as my mum was short tempered. Knowing that this sort of thing had happened before to others, I still lied. By the same person its happened 2 two of my cousins an my half sister. Noone believes them! Noone knos the truth, but I do. :’( Seein as the important things in my life are over now, for example gcse’s etc, I decided the other day 2write my mum a letter explaining the situation and how im feeling. I was thinking of leaving it on the sofa whilst shes at work then heading off a few miles?? I just dont want her 2be angry with me, or disown me. Knowing that my grandad lives on the same street!!

Another thing… I didnt tell anyone, as I’ve already said, but to keep it secret from others, I was just as bad as him and still visited. And I still do!! Nothing happens now im older but it still hurts. I’ve been breaking things in his house, putting bleach on stuff. I want revenge. But im thinking more along the lines of harming him. I know its wrong even after what he done, but I cant help it.

Please someone, what am I 2do about the whole situation? X