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How is this poem?

So for school I had to write a poem about a storm so here it is: Cutting through the mild spring twilight a storm approaches. Stealthy, secretive, ominous. Thunder like the wail of a sobbing man shakes the house, causing little feet to run to the safety of their parents’ beds. The lightening strikes like a venomous snake and little innocent eyes go wide with fear. The fear of the secretive storm.

How was it? Any suggestions? I had to use three poetic devices, I used sibilance, personification and similes…could you find them?

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Answer #1

I like the ‘’sobbing man’’ part. Everything is pretty good to me, except one thing. ‘’a storm approaches’’. The second line. It’s contradictory when it’s supposed to be stealthy. Maybe in other poems you could try to be more subtle? Just think about what you are writing and think of all the details, and write down random details and just one bigger clue to give people hints. I love doing that, trust me it’s so fun!

Answer #2

thunder like the wail of a sobbing man is personification… the lightning strikes, like a venomous snake is simile

I dont know the other… sibilance… what is that, please describe it?

your poem is nice. I find it nostalgic.

Answer #3

sibilance is alliteration of s

Answer #4

Sibilance? Hissing? You sure about that? Other than that it looks like you achieved your main goal, so you should be good.

Answer #5

seems good to me

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