How does this sound?

I was just thinking and I thought id write it down:

She who cries, her back against the wall, young and far too scared to fall. Who tastes the bittersweet knifes edge, bound in duties, had sworn a pledge. Lies deathly still, alone in the rain, consumed in darkness, and in pain. Wishes to bleed, wants to be hollow, throws back the shots, is forced to swallow. Pleads insanity, a sweet escape, there’s nothing left she wouldn’t throw away.

This doesnt reflect my personal thoughts, I just thought it sounded cool. whadya think?

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Answer #1

I’m not really into it - but before you get mad - let me tell you why…

It doesn’t seem to have any meaning. Or in-other-words.. it don’t make sense. When writing I think it’s a very good idea to visualize something. If it’s a tragedy, visualize it - see it in your mind, watch it take place. What happens? Then write down all the words that come to mind. Put them together to write the story. You have to feel things in your heart and see them to write well. Since you said “This doesn’t reflect my personal thoughts” I don’t think this piece is from something you feel emotional about. Emotions make great poetry. I just can’t visualize any of this myself.

Just my honest opionion. Please don’t be mad. Sending you encouragements!

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