How do I know what happened?

I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. Everythings fine but when january hit it all went down hill. Out of the blue im getting yelled at, bossed around and everything. I cant have any contact with a male without my boyfriend being there and if im around a boy he is texting me asking me millions of quetions and asking the other guy millions of questions. I dont understand what I did. How can I fix this??? I tried braking up he said he wanted to be with me forever. I’ve tried staying away from him dint work. I want to stay with him, but he needs to b ok with other males how can I help him with that??? Help!!!

Answer #1

You’ll know that he means it when he actually sticks to his word and shows you that he has changed. If you’ve taken him back and things don’t change - you have your answer. Words mean nothing if they do not have actions backing them up. It’s easy to say something, then do another.

I can completely understand how much it hurts to have someone you care about cry because they want to be with you, but he is putting himself in this position by not caring enough to change. By accepting him back every time he does cry, you’re giving the message off that he can do whatever he wants, and that you’ll just take him back anyways. This is why you can’t do it. You have to stay strong for yourself and your daughter.

You’re confused and this is completely understandable. You love him, and he’s the father of your child. Your heart wants what the mind knows isn’t good for it. Having him pull at your heart’s strings and hurt you time after time probably doesn’t make it any easier. You aren’t responsible for his actions, though. Not now, not ever. He’s not doing any of this because of you - it’s because of him.

If your boyfriend really loves your child and wants to try, he won’t hurt himself over this. He needs to know that you’ll be willing to give it one last try, but only when he starts showing changes. This means everything he’s doing now - he should be doing the opposite for at least a month before you take him back. If he proves himself then you can discuss trying again, but if he doesn’t, don’t give in. He WILL try if he knows that there’s something to try for.

If this doesn’t work out, though, I really think you need to throw in the towel. You care about him, but enough is enough. You need to care for yourself and your child first.

If you do come to a point where you’re going to stop and you feel like he may hurt himself, let a friend or a family member of his know. If in dire need, call the police and they will make sure he’s okay. Don’t force yourself to stay with him because of this, though. If he really cares, he won’t give up on his child that easily.

Answer #2

The thing is, children would rather come from a broken home than live in one that breaks day after day. Kids do not benefit from living in a house where the people raising them are unhappy together at all. If there’s constant arguments, it’s even worse. It scares children and hurts them to see their mom and dad that way. Or at least it did for me when I was growing up.

Anyways, if your boyfriend wants better for your child, he’s going to have to wake up and get the help that he needs in order to be a fit parent and better partner. Someone who is a fit parent and partner doesn’t control you, and they certainly don’t threat suicide in order to guilt you into staying with them. Because that’s exactly what it is – he’s throwing you on a guilt trip because that’s another way he knows how to control you. And you know.. it’s selfish of him. He’s only thinking about what HE wants.

I suppose what you do is entirely your choice, but I don’t think you should be with him unless he seriously gets his act together. Even then, think of your child first. The quality and safety of her life comes above all else. She can always visit with her father if needed. He doesn’t need to live with you in order to be in her life.

Answer #3

how do you know when they mean it this time, that things are going to change??? I tired leaving and kept saying no to him and he cried, saying he doesnt want aomyone else and that he wants to see his daughter grow up with me by his side, he has been acting better no yellign so far after we broke up and got kinda back together, he is more understanding and backs off on a lot of things. how can I know for real that he has changed? or if its just an act to try and get em to come back???

im just so confused I left him and keep going back and I dont know why.. your advice is helping me relize that I dont need to be in an unhealthy relationship to be happy and free like I want to be, but what happens if something does go down and I never see him again and its because of me.

what if he does kill himself, my heart will shatter having that in my head every night when im putting my daughter to sleep thinking to myself, he is not here tucking our child in with me because of me because I had to move on.. and I dk what to do I went to a counciler and she dint even know what to say im kinda getting the feeling no1 knws what to tell me..

Answer #4

thanks the big issue with that though is we have a 19month old daughter together and he thinks its unhealthy to let out daughter live in a broken family. he thinks its unfair

so far since my daughter was born I dint have a father and I think I turned out just fine. but he seems to want more for his child. im just locked and dont know how to fix it.. he says if I leave him he will kill himself or hurt himself. and I dont want that guilt on my shoulders I tried telling his aunt she dint do nothin cops they said they cant do nothing unless he does something they made me fill out a report and stuff my mom she says he’s dumb his mother she called him an idiot. but he wont listen HELP PLEASE SOMEONE! for my child’s sake I want her to be safe but leavign ehr father seems to me might hurt her and myself if he dopes do something, but if I stay I get hurt as well im never going to get over that line to freedom…

Answer #5

From what you’ve said, it seems like your boyfriend has a lot of insecurities. He doesn’t want you to have contact with other guys and that’s not your fault – it’s his. This is something that he needs to fix about himself. He needs to learn to put more trust into you. It’s unhealthy for you to continue in this relationship if he doesn’t.

With that being said, have a final talk to him about it. Ask him what it is that’s making him feel insecure. See if you can find an even ground and if this is something that he can work on. Be sure he knows that it can’t go on the way it is now, and that if it does, you’re gone. No more chances.

If you’ve talked to him and he doesn’t work on it, I really think that you need to get out of this relationship. Although you both care, there’s no point in being in a relationship with someone that basically keeps you captive. And if you do break up with him, you have to stick to your guns and say this is it and leave. If he won’t leave you alone, let your family and friends know so that they can help you. Don’t feel like you have to stay with him, though, because of what he wants. You deserve to be happy, even if that means happy with someone else.

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